|
|
Post by jason andrew irving on Mar 13, 2009 23:03:42 GMT -5
 Stifling a yawn, Jason got out of his car, grabbing his books, and shut the door behind him, locking it as he walked toward the large building looming in front of him. He had a few required classes to get out of the way and the one he was forced to drag himself to in the early mornings was one of them. Now that he had finally found a profession that would work for him, he was ready to get out of the college and start his real job, but he still had quite a few years to go, even after the two years he had put in at the New York college. It was an eight year college program with three years of additional training afterward to become a pediatrician, but he thought it’d be worth it. He loved kids and medicine was something both of his parents did; it was in his blood. After this year, he’d only have five more years of college to go.
Now, he was forced to sit through his basic psychology class, long enough to torture him. It was interesting, yes, but not enough to keep him paying attention the entire time. On the bright side, he wouldn’t have to take another psychology class after this year and the year was nearly over. Slipping into his desk, he opened his notebook, yawning once again as he waited for class to start. It would only be a few more minutes; he wasn’t one of the early arrivers. Smiling at some of his classmates he had gotten to know throughout the class, his attention turned to the professor as he walked in, saying that they were starting a new unit, beginning it with anxiety disorders. Slouching back in the chair, he held his pencil ready to write a few facts anytime his brain tuned into what the lecture was on. He felt old in this class; since it was required, most of the kids were freshmen, some sophomores. Very few of them were his age or older. That’s what happens when you put off classes you don’t want to take
Jotting down a few important looking definitions from the PowerPoint, his mind ventured away from the classroom, to Annie and the new status of their relationship. Even though he hadn’t formally proposed – yet – they had discussed their future and they had come to the mutual agreement how they wanted to spend it. A small smile crossed his face before he brought his thoughts back to the presentation as the slides changed. Only half paying attention, he scribbled anything that looked kind of important down in his boyish scrawl as the class drug on and on...
Anxiety disorders; feelings of impending doom/disaster.
Panic disorder; minutes-long episodes of intense dread. Minutes to hours.
-person feels terror; chest pains, choking, other frightening sensations
-generalized anxiety disorder; extended version
Phobias.
OCD; unwanted, repetitive thoughts/actions (obsessions/compulsions)
PTSD; develops after exposure to traumatizing event where grave physical harm occurred/was threatened
-panic attacks
-anyone can get it. war veterans. assault, accidents, abuse.
-symptoms; re-experiencing, avoidance/phobias, hyperarousal/oversensitive
-“talk therapy”, medications - antidepressants
They were vague, but they did the trick. He did well in the class, even though he didn’t enjoy it. Even though he hadn’t been fully paying attention, the mention of car accidents while his professor was talking about one of the disorders startled him, making him jumpy. It took a few deep breaths to calm him down and he sighed, irritated with himself. For the most part, he was fine. There were just a few little things that made him nervous. In the weeks since the accident, he had refused to drive down by that intersection in any direction. He hadn’t realized it at first, but he took the long way out and around. There were really only two other things that made him jumpy; the sounds of a siren and the sound of glass breaking. It wasn’t bad, but it was enough to stress him out for a minute. He assumed after a while, all of his stress and the little things that made him jump would go away, it was just part of the after-accident nerves.
He had kept the news of his accident sort of quiet; he didn't want sympathy from anyone. He was alive and well enough, almost back to normal now, at least he thought so. The time of the car wreck had been slightly lucky; it happened on a Thursday night and he didn't have Friday classes. The three day weekends, he didn't have class, so people wouldn't wonder where he was. Of course, the whole next week he had been out, still in the hospital, so that raised some questions from his friends. He didn't usually miss much class; he wanted out of college. Even though others were curious where he had been, it was mainly only his close friends who knew. Even if people read the newspaper, his name wasn't mentioned, just the drunk driving accident, saying the driver of "the other car," the one that wasn't at fault, had been "taken to the hospital in critical condition". And that had been him. He could tell a few of the people who knew that he didn't tell; they'd look at him differently than they did before the wreck or ask him how he was doing, a slight hint in their voice suggesting they knew. Of course, if someone noticed his new car and asked him what happened to his old one, it sort of tipped them off. With the question popping up, his eyes would slide away from the other person's and drop to the ground uneasily before he muttered something about it being wrecked, totaled.
Tuning back into what the professor was saying, he heard him say he wouldn't be lecturing tomorrow. It was suppose to be an easy day, a few short videos, but they needed to pay attention; they'd be tested on it at the end of the week. Sort of high schoolish, in a way, but an easy day none the less. One video was a short one on people who had an anxiety disorder, what their panic attacks felt like, when they started having them and so on. Another short video interviewed a few people with OCD, asking them what they obsessed about and when it started and if they knew why. The third one was about different phobias, why people had them and how they could cure them. The last one they were watching was an interview with two people who had suffered from PTSD; one was a war veteran who had seen some pretty gruesome things and the other person was a woman who had been in a near-fatal car accident. At the mention of that, Jason's face lost some of his color and he decided he'd probably skip class the next day. He had seen some documentaries like that back in high school and during drivers ed and they usually involved showing pictures of the wrecked car with dramatic music and the sounds of shattering glass or re-making the person's flashbacks. Even though it sounded overly dramatic, he was afraid it'd make him think of his wreck, bringing back his own terrible memories.
On that note, the class was over and he shut his notebook quickly, ready to leave since he first walked through the door that morning and even more so now that he had started thinking about the wreck. His other classes weren’t for a few hours so he could go home, spend some time with Anabel and very possibly take a nap before going to his math class. Sighing, he collected his books and headed for the classroom door, yawning once again. He was fairly sure he wouldn't be going to his psychology class the next day.
|
|
|
|
Post by dahliaanderson on Mar 15, 2009 9:53:51 GMT -5
 There was a really aggravating noise next to Day’s ear. It rang with ferocity, screaming at her to get up out of bed. Red hair was splayed out in all directions around her pretty face as her beautiful eyes fluttered to life. Her hand flew up and she smacked the alarm clock, making it groan and stop. She laid there for a moment, staring at her dorm room ceiling. She hated mornings. She hated getting up. For her, it was the hardest part of her day. Well, usually. She threw off her sheets, only in her boxer shorts and tank top. She got dressed in a hurry, throwing on something she knew that was comfortable and cute at the same time. Slipping on her cute polka-dot flats, she headed out the door to the school.
Her arms full with all her stuff, she trudged to class without much enthusiasm. Who would when it was psychology? Sighing, she went in the class, only to see Jason. Her heart skidded a little as she took him in. It was always like this; being the friend that wanted more. Being the one who loved him more than she should. It was hard to be like she was, and she was honestly surprised she could do it in the first place. She took a deep breath, bracing herself, and strode over to him and sat down in the seat next to him. ”Hey!” She whispered it, since class would start soon. She smiled at him, and couldn’t help herself by being excited that she’d see his smile soon afterward. He was like that, though. He always made her happy, not even when he wanted to… She sighed a little. It would be so much easier if she didn’t love him so dang much.
She dropped her voice a little more, which was coated with concern and kindness, ”How are you doing?” It was clear what she was talking about. She’d been so frightened when she heard he’d been in a car wreck. She’d called him three times a day, every day, when he was gone, begging to talk to him to make sure he was all right. She finally gone to seen him in the hospital, and had almost cried to see him so miserable. To see someone you love on a hospital bed, sitting there so helpless, hurt more than she could ever say. It killed your insides, ripped them apart. She swallowed, trying to get the picture out of her head. That was one thing she would gladly never see again.
As she waited for his answer, she got out her note notebook. She hated psychology. It was such a dang drag. Then again, it was one time when she could spend time with Jason, and with that she would willingly go to any day. When the teacher finally came in, she took a deep breath to avoid a yawn, giggling when she saw Jason make a huge one next to her. She smiled for a moment, and then turned to listen to his hour-long, boring, tiring lecture. She took very detailed notes, making sure she did well and didn’t screw anything up or leave anything out. Once she glanced to see Jason’s notes, and shook her head a little at the lack of it. Then again, that would be Jason.
She wanted to jump with joy when she heard that there wouldn’t be much tomorrow. She knew what that mean. Skipping this class. Faking a sickness. Especially Jason. Day was a really smart girl really, and she really already knew all that would be on the videos, so she wasn’t going to bother having to go other them. Just in case, even, she’d look it up on the internet and go over some stuff before the test. She smiled at him, and when she followed him after class she asked, ”Hey, what do you say to going to the gym or something? We could play some ball or something. Anabel could come and we could have two on one?” Her excitement bubbled up, she really wanted to spend some time with him. Anabel was pretty cool, so she’d thought that maybe she’d have a better chance with hanging with him if she’d asked her to come along too.
She knew it was horrible, loving your best friend when it wasn’t returned, but she couldn’t help it. She’d tried to stop loving him multiple times. She tried, and tried, and tried more. It never worked. She’d learned to live with it, and though it was hard, it was worth it so that she could still be with Jason. Loving Jason wasn’t hard, either. Everyone did. Maybe not as much as her, but they did. With his sweet personality, and being a great friend and all, he always stole your heart as soon as you talked to him. Sighing a little, she walked next to him, thinking a little. It was definitely false though-that little saying.
You can too miss what you don’t have.
OOC;
Words; 871
Comments; not too bad
Wearing; This
[/font][/size] |
|
|
|
Post by jason andrew irving on Mar 15, 2009 10:57:16 GMT -5
A small grin crossed his face when Dahlia sat down in the empty desk beside him and he returned her simple ‘hey’ with one of his own. Watching her face light up as she saw his grin, he couldn’t help but smile a little bit more. No, there was no spark, at least not for him, but he loved seeing her happy. It hurt him beyond imaginable when he had broke up with her, seeing her cry. He was glad that things hadn’t stayed awkward for long, that they managed to stay good friends.
His eyes dropped away from her for a split second when she asked how he was doing, her tone making it obvious it wasn’t just an average, every day question. His eyes avoided her for hardly a nanosecond before they went back up to her, a teasing look on his face. “I’m alive, aren’t I?” He joked, laughing quietly. This wasn’t a subject he wanted to talk about in a serious manner. Actually, it was something he’d rather avoid altogether. Shrugging, his tone changed, knowing she wouldn’t be satisfied with just that for a reply. Not after her multiple calls the week he had been in the hospital. After that week, he wished that he didn’t make friends in Salt Lake right away; seeing them suffering from his pain was worse than the physical pain he had to endure. “Nah, I’m fine. They ache a little bit sometimes, but nothing too bad.” It wasn't a total lie. Okay, so they ached more than sometimes, but a lot of the time, he had some kind of painkillers in him, reducing the aching feeling he felt. Besides, they could ache for the rest of his life for all he knew. The doctor had told him broken ribs would usually take four weeks to heal, but the way his were broken - of course, his luck - they'd take a few weeks longer. And the surgery was only going to slow down his healing time.
The class was a drag, making him want to smack his head on the desk. He didn’t think it would have been a bad class if it was more than just lecturing. Some of the topics were actually kind of interesting, but not enough to make him actually want to go to class. About half way through the class, Dahlia shook her head and it caught his eye and he turned to look at her, raising his eyebrows as he did when he was curious. He saw her gaze resting on his notebook and looked at hers, holding back a laugh. She took down everything, probably even the little motions their professor made. On the other hand, he was very vague, only taking down what seemed important. He couldn’t remember one day when he used a whole page in that class.
She seemed thrilled to see tomorrow was going to be an easy day and luckily she didn’t seem to realize the way he tensed up at the mention of the one video. Walking out of the class together, he chuckled at how bubbly she was. Hesitating at the mention of the gym for a moment, he wondered what Annie would say. When Dahlia said Anabel could join them, he nodded his head, grinning. That would be better, at least for Annie. He knew how she could be, it’d be better if she was there. “Tomorrow, when we’re suppose to be there?” He questioned, gesturing to the building they had just walked out of. There was a bench not too far away and he headed over to it so the two could talk a little bit more. Sitting down, he grinned. “Annie doesn’t think I’m going to kill myself by walking down the steps anymore and ball sounds like fun, I don't think she'll mind. She’s been loosening up a little bit.” Laughing at his last sentence, he doubted Dahlia would understand the hidden meaning in that sentence, at least he hoped she didn’t. Yes, Annie had started to let up a little bit, but it wasn’t exactly, well, in an athletic way she had let up. She had put him in one of his rare moods, a side that Dahlia hadn’t been with him long enough to see, and the two had spent one morning over the weekend in their bed together. His ribs had ached afterwards, but if he could survive that, he could survive playing basketball. He’d just take his painkillers before he left the house.
Setting his books on the bench next to him, on the side opposite of Day, he stretched his arms upwards, groaning as he did so. Mornings weren’t always terrible, only when you had to sit through an annoying class. Letting his arms fall back to his side, he looked over at Dahlia, grinning. “So what have you been up to? Taken any interesting pictures lately?” He hadn’t seen much of her lately, only in their psychology class. They were majoring in two totally different things and their other required classes were at different times. And with her majoring in photography, he loved to look at the photos she had taken, some of them he’d buy in a larger form to hang in his house; they were really good.
|
|
|
|
Post by dahliaanderson on Mar 16, 2009 20:24:42 GMT -5
At his laugh, a real, sweet smile came to her pretty face. It was strange, how some things changed so fast. She’d been with Jason, so happy… Though there were times when they didn’t agree or when she didn’t really understand, they’d never really fight. Sometimes, though, when they’d be together and just laughing, it was like he was thinking of someone else. It was probably a stupid reason to think that was why they broke up, that she just wasn’t good enough. She felt that way, though, sometimes. She’d never been good enough for him, that was for sure. No one really was. He was too sweet for his own good, just too good for anyone.
Annie was so lucky. She didn’t have to worry about what it felt like, as if when Jason would look at her think of someone else…comparing. She didn’t have to know what it felt like to feel losing him, how much it hurt. Days’ nostalgia was sucking her dry as if it were some sort of leech…and it wouldn’t let go. She didn’t have to know that feeling. How horrible it was. That wasn’t even all, it was like no matter what she could try and do that she would never make him happy, and that was almost all she wanted. To make him what he should be; happy, joyful. Sort of like he was now. And it wasn’t because of her. It wasn’t that she was his friend. It was because he was with Annie, the love of his life. And Day was just someone he hung around with…not really enough to make him feel the way she wanted him to.
Really, she had noticed he wasn’t exactly himself. There was something there…she couldn’t place it exactly. There was something bothering him, and before she could stop herself, her mouth opened to an inquiry, ”Jason, what’s going on? Are you really ok? I mean…you aren’t going a little crazy or anything? It’s just…before the accident…you weren’t like this. Is there something wrong?” She was a little shocked at herself. She usually didn’t ask that deep of questions, it was just that…well, that it was Jason. It felt like when he was unhappy, it put a little damper on her day too. No, she didn’t know what precisely he was going through, but she knew that it wasn’t normal.
She didn’t blame him. For anything. Those months had been the best in her life, and that was probably why it had hurt so bad. All her life she’d had to strive and work so hard…to feel free with Jason had been a dream she never wanted to wake up from. He’d made her so happy, when he was laughing and joking. When they went to the movies just to have fun. It had all just made her forget about her past, how horrible and hard it had been… She’d moved on from it, and basically put all her trust on him. She’d loved him fast, and only when she’d lost him had she really known how much.
Smiling at him happily when he agreed, she nodded. ”It’s horrible. I really hate that class. I feel like I already know everything, too.” She shook her head, and stuck out her tongue in a childish way, but she knew that he was just the same. That was one of the reason she’d been taken away about him. He was always so kiddy, he’d make her laugh without meaning to. It had always been something to look forward to. Another thing about loving someone, was that you could never go on one train of thought without ending up thinking about them. It was one of the most aggravating things on the planet.
Being next to him, she scooted so she could see which pictures he was looking at. The horse one she actually understood, and her sympathetic, sweet tone colored her voice when she asked, ’Missing Casey?” She’d known about his horse from when he’d talk about how much he’d liked riding her. She herself had never ridden a horse, but it sounded like fun. She’d have to try it one day. She smiled at him, knowing she looked understanding. She just hoped he couldn’t see through her.
As that sort of went through her, she wondered how horrible it would be if he knew. If he knew how much he really meant to her. Would her not talk to her? Run away? Tell her to never talk to him again, to just leave him alone? She didn’t even want to imagine how horrible that would feel. How completely that would kill her. His question made her laugh, but she saw the seriousness. ”I’d give it to you free, Jason, you don’t have to pay! You really want it?” Her excitement was clear. She loved the thought of maybe him loving her picture. It was right there in Utah-she’d just gone hiking, where she found she could get the best pictures.
His gentle voice made her want to melt, and a real smile fell upon her face. It was just so hard to stay sad with him around. But if fell off right as his comment hit her ears. Her eyes narrowed, and she shook her head fast, ”Don’t you even think about it, Jason Andrew!” She was serious, too. The thought of him hurting himself scared her. He meant to much to her for him to get hurt. She knew she loved him too much, that she shouldn’t at all…but how could she not? He was all she’d ever wanted…
OOC;
Words; 1,085
Comments; not too bad
Wearing; This
Other; Here, here, here, and here ar the pics! Hope they all work! =D
[/font][/size] |
|
|
|
Post by jason andrew irving on Mar 17, 2009 9:05:09 GMT -5
Dahlia’s eyes had been closed for a moment before he replied to her question and Jason knew she was in another, previous world. Yes, he knew she still liked him, and he hated the fact that he hurt her; he knew what it was like to be the one who was being hurt. Her annoyed look made him laugh, it was one she gave him a lot, especially when he was avoiding a certain topic. Well, that’s what he had been doing. The wreck wasn’t his favorite topic to discuss, heck, he didn’t even want to think about it. Ever since he woke up in the hospital after his surgery and the realization of everything that happened in those three days hit him, he had been repressing all the memories he had. Anytime it came up, he’d sort of beat around the bush and avoid it, pushing the topic onto something else.
Her smile looked too forced, not like the smile he had remembered from the short time they were together and before. Her reply made his eyes drop to the ground; he felt bad, knowing she believed he was nearly back to normal. However much he told himself that he was almost in pre-accident shape, he knew he wasn’t. When walking around the mall for a few hours caused his side to throb, even a month after, he knew that wasn’t normal. And even if he had been physically better, his mental state was another story. He didn’t want to mention what had happened when he had gone through that intersection over the weekend. Not just rethinking about the accident, he had relived it in his mind without trying to, flashing back to that night. A small shutter ran through his body at the thought and he sighed quietly. He felt so weak after that and he didn’t really want anyone to know, even Annie, though she had been there. Dark eyes meeting hers again, a small smile crossed his face before class started, forcing their attention towards the board.
Thinking back to the night in the University garden, the night he had hurt her so bad, he sighed, scribbling a little. He knew what it was like to lose someone he cared about, someone he loved, and it wasn’t pleasant. Unlike Dahlia, Jason hadn’t been strong enough to stay around her, though. He could only imagine what kind of suffering it would have brought him, seeing her face everyday, living with her, after two years of being something and then losing it all in one night. That was why he no longer lived near New York. And she was the reason he didn’t stay with Dahlia. Day was the first person he had really connected with since that break up, and he had been stupid, always comparing the things he was doing with Day to what he did with his ex. Their relationship ending had absolutely nothing to do with her, it was all him and how he couldn’t get over his ex. If he had tried a little bit harder to forget her, things could have worked out with Dahlia. But if things had worked with Dahlia, he wouldn’t be with Annie and honestly, he was happier than he’d been in a long time with her. Watching Dahlia walk away that night, knowing he lost his girlfriend and possibly his best friend, unable to say anything through her hurt, tears spilling down her face. And he had caused that hurt.
He was glad to see she perked up when he agreed to hang out with her, it still hurt him to see her hurt even though he felt nothing more than friendship for her. As she joked around, he was relieved to see she didn’t want to sit through the videos, though obviously for a different reason. Grinning, he laughed as he replied. “I know what you mean. That class drives me crazy.” Between what they were learning and the constant lecturing that was going on, he couldn’t really sit still. The week of make up work he had to do had been hell, especially from that class. The other classes, well, it was bearable.
Taking her camera from her, his smile grew when he saw how thrilled she looked to be showing it to him. Flipping through her most recent pictures, ones he hadn’t seen yet, he went through them before going back to look more closely at two of them. The first one he went back to was the shot of the horse. Sighing as he looked at it, his mind thought of his horse, his tall, fiery chestnut mare. She was his brother’s horse, now, and he hadn’t realized how much he missed riding, how much he missed Casey, until he saw that picture of the gray. The second one he went back to was the one of the yellowing trees along side the road, mountains in the background. It was beautiful. He pointed to it, grinning. “How much for a blown up version of this one?” Asking, his tone was joking, though he was completely serious. There were a few bare spots on the walls in his house and there was one place he thought that one would go perfectly.
Her forced enthusiasm hurt him and he tried to not show it. All of it was his fault, even though they hadn’t been together for about six months. He assumed she had picked up on something he had said, maybe his laugh had been a little off. “Hey, cheer up,” he said softly, his brown eyes looking into hers, studying them. Handing her back the camera, the look in his eyes changed, a teasing glint now in them. “I guess I need to start working out again so I don’t start wheezing two minutes into the game tomorrow,” he giggled. Anabel wouldn’t let him near a weight set, he was sure of that, and actually, Dahlia probably wouldn’t let him near a weight set, either. Maybe he could get away with going for a short jog. It had actually kind of surprised him Dahlia had suggested something physical for their day of skipping class tomorrow.
|
|
|
|
Post by dahliaanderson on Mar 18, 2009 15:37:03 GMT -5
At his laugh, a real, sweet smile came to her pretty face. It was strange, how some things changed so fast. She’d been with Jason, so happy… Though there were times when they didn’t agree or when she didn’t really understand, they’d never really fight. Sometimes, though, when they’d be together and just laughing, it was like he was thinking of someone else. It was probably a stupid reason to think that was why they broke up, that she just wasn’t good enough. She felt that way, though, sometimes. She’d never been good enough for him, that was for sure. No one really was. He was too sweet for his own good, just too good for anyone.
Annie was so lucky. She didn’t have to worry about what it felt like, as if when Jason would look at her think of someone else…comparing. She didn’t have to know what it felt like to feel losing him, how much it hurt. Days’ nostalgia was sucking her dry as if it were some sort of leech…and it wouldn’t let go. She didn’t have to know that feeling. How horrible it was. That wasn’t even all, it was like no matter what she could try and do that she would never make him happy, and that was almost all she wanted. To make him what he should be; happy, joyful. Sort of like he was now. And it wasn’t because of her. It wasn’t that she was his friend. It was because he was with Annie, the love of his life. And Day was just someone he hung around with…not really enough to make him feel the way she wanted him to.
Really, she had noticed he wasn’t exactly himself. There was something there…she couldn’t place it exactly. There was something bothering him, and before she could stop herself, her mouth opened to an inquiry, ”Jason, what’s going on? Are you really ok? I mean…you aren’t going a little crazy or anything? It’s just…before the accident…you weren’t like this. Is there something wrong?” She was a little shocked at herself. She usually didn’t ask that deep of questions, it was just that…well, that it was Jason. It felt like when he was unhappy, it put a little damper on her day too. No, she didn’t know what precisely he was going through, but she knew that it wasn’t normal.
She didn’t blame him. For anything. Those months had been the best in her life, and that was probably why it had hurt so bad. All her life she’d had to strive and work so hard…to feel free with Jason had been a dream she never wanted to wake up from. He’d made her so happy, when he was laughing and joking. When they went to the movies just to have fun. It had all just made her forget about her past, how horrible and hard it had been… She’d moved on from it, and basically put all her trust on him. She’d loved him fast, and only when she’d lost him had she really known how much.
Smiling at him happily when he agreed, she nodded. ”It’s horrible. I really hate that class. I feel like I already know everything, too.” She shook her head, and stuck out her tongue in a childish way, but she knew that he was just the same. That was one of the reason she’d been taken away about him. He was always so kiddy, he’d make her laugh without meaning to. It had always been something to look forward to. Another thing about loving someone, was that you could never go on one train of thought without ending up thinking about them. It was one of the most aggravating things on the planet.
Being next to him, she scooted so she could see which pictures he was looking at. The horse one she actually understood, and her sympathetic, sweet tone colored her voice when she asked, ’Missing Casey?” She’d known about his horse from when he’d talk about how much he’d liked riding her. She herself had never ridden a horse, but it sounded like fun. She’d have to try it one day. She smiled at him, knowing she looked understanding. She just hoped he couldn’t see through her.
As that sort of went through her, she wondered how horrible it would be if he knew. If he knew how much he really meant to her. Would her not talk to her? Run away? Tell her to never talk to him again, to just leave him alone? She didn’t even want to imagine how horrible that would feel. How completely that would kill her. His question made her laugh, but she saw the seriousness. ”I’d give it to you free, Jason, you don’t have to pay! You really want it?” Her excitement was clear. She loved the thought of maybe him loving her picture. It was right there in Utah-she’d just gone hiking, where she found she could get the best pictures.
His gentle voice made her want to melt, and a real smile fell upon her face. It was just so hard to stay sad with him around. But if fell off right as his comment hit her ears. Her eyes narrowed, and she shook her head fast, ”Don’t you even think about it, Jason Andrew!” She was serious, too. The thought of him hurting himself scared her. He meant to much to her for him to get hurt. She knew she loved him too much, that she shouldn’t at all…but how could she not? He was all she’d ever wanted…
OOC;
Words; 1,109
Comments; not too bad
Wearing; This
Other; Here, here, here, and here ar the pics! Hope they all work! =D
[/font][/size] |
|
|
|
Post by jason andrew irving on Mar 18, 2009 17:07:27 GMT -5
The tone of her voice told him she saw right through him and his gaze slid to the ground, resting on his shoes. He forgot that she knew him nearly as well as Anabel did, that if he wanted to hide something, he had to work extra hard to do it and he had let his guard down, just enough for her to see through his disguise. Before the accident… Those words hit him hard and he flinched slightly. Shrugging, he bit his bottom lip. He didn't really want to talk about it, but he knew Day would get it out of him one way or another. He hesitated, turning his head to her with his eyes still on his shoes. He didn’t know what to say, how to tell her he was basically losing his mind. It was something he wanted to avoid; talking about it just made him feel like he was completely deranged.
A small, slightly stressed smile crossed his face as he raised his gaze from the ground to Dahlia’s face, attempting to joke around. “Well, crazy’s not exactly the way to put it…” He sighed, still unsure what to say. Shrugging again, he just decided to go with the truth. When he finally spoke, he sounded defeated, almost embarrassed as his gaze dropped to his shoes again. “Okay. My ribs still ache. A lot. And it doesn’t take much to wear me out or make me sore.” A lopsided grin crossed his face. “But you promised me ball, we’re still playing,” he insisted, laughing slightly, stress still in his eyes. He didn’t want to bring up his recent mental break down, but he knew he couldn’t keep it from her forever. She was his best friend and she knew him too well. “And, well, like I said, crazy isn’t the exact way I’d say it…” he broke off, his gaze dropping back down to his shoes. Mentally insane would be a better way to put it, he thought bitterly. His voice was mumbled as he told her the story, feeling ashamed as he did when it actually happened. “Well, uh…over the weekend, I was going to Trolley Square with Annie and, well, you know the intersection’s on the way unless you want to go out and around…like I have been...” He knew she’d know what he meant by “the intersection”. “Anyways, I, uh, went that way. And I don’t know what happened, there was nobody around, but at the stop sign…” He sighed, his elbows on his knees as he rested his head in his hands, talking to the ground. He didn’t want to see her facial expressions. “…it was weird, I just…lost control of my thoughts or something. I looked over to, to the left, and everything changed. It was like I went b-back to the night of the, the, uh, accident. It-it wasn't like a memory or anything. It w-was like I was actually there, reliving it.”
It had scared him, losing complete control like that. And it wasn’t just his thoughts. When he snapped back to the car with Anabel beside him, he had lost control of his breathing. It was sharp, quick and he was shaking pretty badly. He hadn’t even been able to drive after that; Annie had offered and he caved in, letting her get in the driver’s seat without an argument. If he had thought he was fine, that incident made him realize how far from okay he really was.
Sighing again, he took her camera, smiling as she moved closer, looking over his shoulder. He chuckled quietly when she asked about Casey and he grinned, nodding his head. “Yeah. Wondering what kind of trouble she’s giving Dylan now.” She had been one of those hot headed mares, but he had just clicked with her and even though they had their moments, they had made a great team. He hadn’t realized how much he was giving up when he had fled from New York, but he also hadn’t seen anything like Dahlia or Anabel coming his way. “That crazy horse. You could drive a bulldozer past her, but those little fake flowers they put under the jumps…” shaking his head, he laughed, remembering how much she’d try to avoid those jumps when they first started, always spinning out on him and sometimes sending him rolling down her neck or over her shoulder. It had taken some time, but he had managed to get her to where they didn’t bother her and she wouldn’t refuse. Well, she wouldn’t refuse most of the time. Every now and then, she’d decide one jump looked like too much work. Now, his friend and family would probably panic if he tried to get on Casey.
Glancing over at her, she seemed quite happy and he felt a pang of guilt in his heart. He hated how much he hurt her, but it just wasn’t working for him. Her words made him laugh and he gave her one of his teasing looks. She was really excited, that was obvious. “I do really want it, but only if I pay for it. You can’t make money in your career if you give away your photos for free. Now how much for, oh say a twenty by twenty-four print?” By the time that was matted and framed, one that size would fit perfectly on one spot on his living room wall.
Finally, a real smile crossed her face and he sighed, relieved. He hated to see her upset. The smile disappeared quickly as he joked around; her narrow eyes and quick words making him laugh. “Should I lock myself in a padded room for the rest of my life?” He continued to laugh, knowing he’d still find a way to hurt himself. “I’m kidding, I’m kidding,” he said quickly, not wanting her to take that the wrong way. Even though they never really fought, his sarcasm would get him in trouble from time to time.
|
|
|
|
Post by dahliaanderson on Mar 19, 2009 17:12:26 GMT -5
It stunk to see him uncomfortable, with her being the reason he was. It was just that, when you loved someone so much, to see them not themselves hurt you. It was like, their pain was your pain, but their happiness could be yours, too. It was a lot better that way, but at that moment, it seemed right to ask. She only asked out of concern, of course not for gossip or to throw at him. She could never do that, and the thought of seeing his face coated with betrayal would be even worse. That wasn’t going to happen, no. So the reason she asked was so that she could perhaps help him, maybe just at least try. That was what mattered, right? To make that person happy, to make them understand that you’d always be there for them.
Love was such an annoying, heart-spinning, wild thing. It could be so wonderful, and just so horrible at the same time. It never made any sense, nor did she expect it to. It was irrational, and for her to suddenly just see how much it could hurt almost made Day not want it. It hurt too much, to see him with Annie, to hear him talk to adoringly about her. It made her insides churn with jealously and pain. She did make him happy though, and Dahlia would give anything to see his sweet, loving smile on his cute, handsome face. Sure, it was hard, and frustrating, but when you loved someone…it didn’t have any sympathies. It just came out and grabbed you, like a hook, you don’t have much a choice. No input. It would be a lot easier if there were one, but nothing in life is fair, and when love came in…well, that was even worse.
She watched his uncomfortable, stressed face lower, and her own face followed his gaze, but to her own feet. She was just as uncomfortable, but she really just wanted to help, and she lifted her own eyes just in time to see him lift his deep, dark brown ones. She remembered always getting lost in those eyes, it was like she could fall in them from there, and let go without even caring. It was like living in another world when you looked at them. As he struggled to explain, she hesitantly took her hand and placed it on his shoulder, just to show she was there.
To her, it didn’t even matter if he was crazy. She’d love him no matter what. Even as he was almost tormented in pain and uncertainty, almost fear, she’d be there for him. She’d probably even still love him unconditionally if he’d throw her to the ground, and though that would be a very unwise thing, she could never change that. Not even if she wanted to. The fact that he was still in pain was horrible. She wished that he weren’t, that he was happy and completely healed, inside and out. She just wanted to be there for him… Her eyes stayed on his the entire time, not at all filled with anything but sympathy and the worry of what she was really feeling.
She nodded and listened carefully, biting her lip sometimes and squeezing his shoulder. She really wanted to hug him, but was afraid to. She knew that he wasn’t hers anymore, as much as she wanted him to be. No matter what, he would never be hers to have and to hold forever. She actually knew what it felt like to feel as if she had no control over her own mind. She’d screamed and thrown things when she’d learned she’d never see her mom again. That she’d never hear her voice. It wasn’t out of sadness, though she had had plenty-it was of anger and betrayal. She’d lost it that moment, she so she knew what it felt like. Though she’d never been tormented with an accident like that, she could relate to an extent, and of that she thought helped her as she was there for him.
She bit her lip, and then said to him, ”Jason, I don’t think you’re crazy. There are a lot of people who go through what you are. I don’t think you’re the only one. I was once like that, when my mom died…I lost control.” She’d never told anyone that before, and she fiddled with her shirt when she spoke. ”And your ribs, maybe you should go make sure that they are fully mended. I know it’s been a while, but for them to still ache there is either something wrong, or, since I’ve never broken anything, usual. Jason, I really don’t think there’s anything to worry about that much.” She smiled a slight, little smile, looking understanding and kind as she sat next to him on the wooden bench.
She smiled a little when he talked about his little brother. She knew how attached he was to him, especially since he hadn’t seen him. She wondered when the last time was. She giggled a little when he laughed at the good times he’d had with his horse. Dahlia had never met either of the two, but she hoped that maybe one day they would. It would be nice to see Jason with his family. Maybe he could ever ride her again, she wondered. She would probably be nervous about it though, if the horse was scared of plastic flowers. Jason already still ached, he didn’t need any more of it.
She hated to see him in pain. It was one of the worst things imaginable. She sighed at him when he insisted on paying, letting her eyes roll a little. She pursed her lips a moment, thinking, and said, ”Well, I’d pay for the frame and I’d frame it for you…so over all probably about thirty to fifty dollars.” She shook her head. ”But that’s too much! At least let me give you a discount!” She laughed a little, but she didn’t want him to spend so much on her photo. She’d have plenty more to come, and they would most likely be even better. She had to roll her eyes and laugh when he said to put himself in a cell.”Yeah, we should find one as soon as possible.” She nodded, sounding and looking serious before she started laughing again. It was just too hard to stay unhappy or upset with him around. He always made her happy, even if he didn’t know it.
OOC;
Words; 1,129
Comments; kind of like it! =D
Wearing; This
[/font][/size][/color] |
|
|
|
Post by jason andrew irving on Mar 19, 2009 19:54:24 GMT -5
Jason’s eyes shut when he felt Dahlia’s hand resting on his shoulder as he told his story. He couldn’t help it; he felt weak enough when it had actually happened and retelling it made it so he couldn’t push it to the back of his mind. It made him realize it actually had happened. Even if Anabel had told him she wouldn’t lock him away in the nut house, if it kept happening over and over again, would she change her mind? No. He told himself it wouldn’t happen again. He wasn’t ever going to go by that intersection ever again. If he never drove past it, he wouldn’t get anymore flashbacks and his problem was solved, right? Still explaining, he felt Day’s hand grip his shoulder a bit more tightly from time to time, like she was telling him he was still there. Either that or she was so shocked, she was telling herself he was crazy.
A short, bitter laugh slipped from him when she said she didn’t think he was crazy and he bit his tongue before it could get anymore out of control. It wasn’t like him; he hated it when his temper got the better of him. Taking a deep breath, he sighed, listening to the rest of what Day said, about to argue that even though he wasn’t the only one who went through it, others probably had a better reason to panic than he did, until she mentioned her mom. A shocked look crossed his face and he raised his eyes to her face, studying her expression and trying to read her eyes. He could only imagine what he’d do if his mom died; his ribs were nothing compared to that. His face crumpled when she mentioned going back to get his ribs checked out, blocking out the rest of what she said. “I’m not going back there,” he muttered under his breath, dreading the day he tripped over himself and had to go back. Never in his life did he have a problem with hospitals up until recently.
Dahlia looked at him like she was trying to understand. No, he corrected himself. She did know what it was like to lose control of herself and it was much, much more serious than what he had gone through. Losing a family member was a lot bigger than getting in a car wreck. He sighed, not wanting to admit it, so his gaze dropped back to the ground again, his head once again in his hands. “It, well, scared me. Losing control like that. I’ve never done that before.” And he didn’t plan on doing it again.
Taking a moment to collect himself, he looked at her again, a small smile set across his face. As she pursed her lips, Jason watched her, curious, until she mentioned the frame and everything for the picture. He laughed, rolling his eyes. “Come on, the frame will cost more than that.” It’s not like paying for it was going to break the bank for him. He bumped his arm against her playfully. “Nope, no discount. I’m paying in full. And if I find out your prints are going for much, much more when you’re famous, I’m finding you and paying you back,” he grinned, sticking his tongue out at her as he joked around. He was serious about paying for the photo, though, he wasn’t going to take a discounted rate just because they were friends.
Dahlia’s eyes rolled upwards and she laughed, agreeing that he’d be best off in a padded cell. A small smirk appeared on his face as his eyes looked over to her. “Well, I’m sure there’s a mental hospital around here somewhere. They’ve got to have a padded cell or two there,” he laughed, but it was just a little bit different from his normal laugh. Hollow, almost. If he had been with someone who didn’t know him quite so well, it might have gone unnoticed, but it would surprise him if Dahlia missed it. He had meant it as a joke and yet at the same time, Day might decide she needed to know where the mental hospitals were and lock him up if he started to lose even more of his mind. And Annie just might help her.
He winced ever so slightly as he felt his side start to ache, just a little bit, as it did every time he laughed too much. It wasn’t bad…yet, but it was enough to make him uncomfortable. His eyes had stayed on Day and he hoped she missed his pain, otherwise she might panic slightly, overreacting in a motherly way. He had learned to deal with the pain in the past month, and even though it sometimes slowed him down, Jason thought he was getting along just fine, that it was normal to ache after breaking bones. Knowing she still had feelings for him, though he didn’t know how strong they were, a smile crossed his face, his perfect, white teeth showing and he hoped it would be enough to distract her from his brief pain.
|
|
|
|
Post by dahliaanderson on Mar 22, 2009 11:37:39 GMT -5
The hardest thing in life is so undecided. There are so many things that make life hard. That make you wish you didn’t have it. Then there are some things that is all you want to live for, all you care about. Things that make life worth living. Whether it is seeing the sun every morning, being granted another day, seeing a smile of an old friend, being able to learn from mistakes. Most can guess what Days’ reason for getting up was. It was hard to not look forward to his smile, not to look forward to the feeling of friendship.
She knew he didn’t want to go back to the hospital, and she actually saw the fear in his dark, deep eyes. She knew he was scared of surgery, she knew. He’d told her when they were dating that it was one of his biggest fears, that and car wrecks. So she knew that having them both in one just made it worse. It really hurt when both of your biggest fears were thrown out at you in your face. It made you stagger, made you sort of lose it. That was how he felt-she knew. ”Jason, do you want to always hurt? Or do you want to get it over with and face your fears? You can do it, I know you can.”
Most would say she had it bad-and yes, she did. She had it to the point of wondering why. Why did she have to love him so much? Why did he mean so much to her? Why was it her that had to suffer in loving him so irrationally? He was taken. He was hers He didn’t belong to her, no matter how much she wanted him to. It wasn’t fair. Either he didn’t care that she loved him, or he was oblivious completely. Why was that? Did he just not like her at all? She shook her head a little. Of course he liked her. Why would he talk to her at all if he didn’t? She gave him a shake of her head when his bitter, harsh laugh came from him. ”You are not crazy, Jason. You’re just…scared. It’s right to be. I know I was really scared when I thought of how alone I was. Being an orphan at 15. It was scared, and I lost myself. I was mad, just because I felt betrayed. How could she do that to me?” She clenched her teeth then, her own anger showing a tad. She took a deep breath to help herself calm down, and tried again, ”It’s right to be scared. Something like that sort of sticks.” She turned to him, and put an arm on his shoulders. ”You’re just like you always were, just a little paranoid. You’re worrying too much. Stop thinking about it too much, and you won’t be so scared.” With one last squeeze to his shoulder, she moved her arm and smiled at him. She knew how he felt, and she wanted him to know that. She’d be there for him through it all, no matter what. She couldn’t do anything that would hurt him.
It was obvious that it had scared him. When he spoke it out loud, he seemed ashamed and embarrassed. She knew how that felt. ”So did I, Jason. It scared me more than anything. I’d even broken plates, jumped on them. It scared me to know what I was. I felt evil, dangerous.” She brought her foot on her knee, and she traced the sole of her shoe where she knew the scars were. ”I still have the scars…” She murmured it, still stroking the shoe. It was weird, thinking about it. It was like it was yesterday. How she could distinctly remember flinging the vase she’d made for her mom on the wall, throwing the dining chairs against the wall. One had made a huge hole in the wall… She took a deep breath, and saw it was a little shaking. She shook her head, really knowing how he felt.
His little smile made her smile her own a little, and she laughed at his comment. ”Fine! It will probably cost seventy. Take it or leave it, ‘cause I’m not going any higher!” She felt bad, taking his money. She felt like he deserved it rather than having to buy it. He’d done a lot for her-it was the least she could do. But she knew that if she said any more, he would just raise the price higher. She smiled a little at him, shaking her head. He was too sweet. She laughed when he said she’d be famous. ”Yeah, right.” She shook her head a chuckled a little more. ”Famous.”
His hollow laugh disturbed her a little, and she hurriedly said, ”I was kidding, Jason. You only belong here.” The meaning of it was a little confusing, considering her feelings, and she added in haste. ”I mean, what would Annie do without you?” It hurt so much that she couldn’t put I in where Annie’s name was. Jealously crept over her a little, but she didn’t miss his painful wince. He was such a guy sometimes. Never wanting to show his real feelings. She shook her head, and patted his shoulder. ”We better get to class before we miss it. I’ll text you sometime. So I’ll know what Annie thinks of her and I pummeling you in basketball.” She stood up, and smiled at him. How she hated to walk away, but she really needed to get to class. ”I’ll talk to you later!” She hugged him a little, and then trotted off in the other direction, leaving her love where she’d left him.
OOC;
Words; 1,017
Comments; I like it! =D
Wearing; This
[/font][/size] |
|
|
|
Post by jason andrew irving on Mar 22, 2009 13:03:15 GMT -5
He bit his tongue as a few harsh words made their way into his mind when she asked if he always wanted to hurt. His temper was rising, so he kept his tongue between his teeth until she finished her pep talk of sorts, his gaze locked on the ground beneath his feet. Yes, the thought of surgery still made him nervous and it wasn’t something he ever planned on going through with again. Besides, if he went back to the hospital and they thought they did have to cut his side open again, it would just take him even longer to get back to where he had been before the accident. Not something he wanted to consider.
Part of the reason he had hoped Anabel hadn’t really noticed how achy he had been, even now, was because she might insist he go back. And yes, he should have had a few appointments after the surgery to make sure things were healing okay, the doctors had even told him so, but he kept putting of making one. He was scared to go back, but maybe, just maybe Dahlia had a point. No, he’d wait. If they didn’t start feeling better soon, perhaps he’d make another appointment. Maybe. He had more important things to think about, first.
His short, cold laugh made Dahlia shake her head and he felt guilty, wondering where his short temper was coming from. Then again, he hadn’t really talked about any of this since the wreck. He didn’t want to. Why talk about something that brought back bad memories? Sighing unhappily, his gaze dropped away from her when she said he wasn’t crazy. He wished he could believe it. He tensed slightly when she said he was just scared. Scared wasn’t something he wanted to be. Listening to her talk about her mom, he felt even guiltier. He was sulking about because of what had happened to him when she had lost her own mother. He could sense her anger and he hesitated, not quite sure what to do anymore. His teeth clenched together when she said it was right to be scared. That wasn’t something he wanted to hear, it wasn’t something he wanted to be, but he relaxed when he felt her arm around his shoulders. A quiet, unhappy chuckle slipped from him when she said he was being paranoid. It might be true, but it wasn’t something he wanted to hear. And not thinking about it? How would that help anything? If he did go back to the doctors, he would have to think about it. He’d have to think about it even more than he had been.
It was different for Dahlia to be scared and her situation was much, much worse. At fifteen, his life had been pretty close to perfect. He had good friends, a younger brother, his parents and a horse. That same year, Day had lost her mom. It was understandable for her to break things, to take her anger out on them. He’d probably do the same thing. Either that or go in his shell, push people away. That’s what he tended to do when something bad happened, obviously, otherwise he’d still be in New York. He watched her trace the bottom of her shoe, feeling her pain at the mention of the scars. They were there forever, a reminder of that terrible night. Yeah, he knew what that was like. His left hand subconsciously rested on his forehead, right where he had hit it on the side of the car. Underneath his dark, messy curls was a small scar from the large cut that had been there and the few stitches it required.
He realized he hadn’t really said anything for a little bit, lost in thought, self-pity and his eyes returned to her, a teasing smile on his face when she said seventy was her limit. Rolling his dark eyes, he sighed sarcastically. “Fineeee. Seventy will work.” He laughed when she pushed aside the thought of being famous. Hey, it could happen. Her photos were great. “Just remember what I said. If your photos are going for more…” he joked around, laughing again.
He had been right when he thought she wouldn’t miss how his laugh was slightly…off. She replied quickly and he smiled, rolling his eyes. “You’re just saying that. You know I’d live much longer in a round, padded cell. No corners that way,” he laughed quietly, imagining what a life like that would be like. No, he’d probably live a shorter life. Or at least a very unhappy one; he’d probably go even crazier. He could tell she wasn’t thrilled to say Annie’s name instead of her own and he chuckled quietly, slightly uneasy, not sure how to reply to that. He wished he could help her find someone who would make her forget about him. No, not forget him. He’d hate that, she was his best friend. Just someone who she could fall for and forget her feelings for him. But if they hurt her, he’d have something to say about it.
When she shook her head and patted his shoulder, he sighed, knowing she had caught his pain. He nodded his head in agreement, knowing she had a class to get to. His next one wasn’t for another two hours, so he had time to go home in between. He needed a break after psychology. He laughed when she mentioned basketball, glad she hadn’t decided to cancel on him. “We’ll see about that!” Sticking his tongue out at her, he stood as she did, his hand resting on his sore side for a moment before he hugged her back. “Yeah, see you later.” Watching her head off in the other direction, he sighed. She was a great girl. She needed to find a guy who deserved her. A guy who’d treat her right and not hurt her in the end, like he had.
|
|
