* (( my yesterdays have all gone by ,

[ana isabel bailey]

Ana's body swayed a bit wildly and in a way that would make most any man lust to the lively Spanish music that blasted through the speakers of the little iPod home that sat on the counter in her kitchen. She was a good dancer, no doubt about that, and she loved doing it. A plate was in her hand that she'd just ate a breakfast of toast off of and she pulled down the dishwasher door, slid out one of the racks, and set it inside, shutting the machine again. Her voice joined in with the singer's, "I never really knew that she could dance like this, she makes a man want to speak Spanish," a pretty smile upon her lips as her hips swayed this way and that. She could almost see Jason watching her with one of those humored but rather wanton smiles. How she did miss him at times. They were friends now sure, he was even going with her on a little apartment hunt today, but it wasn't the same, never would be.

Shaking her head a bit and resuming the dance she'd paused she flipped open a cabinet and pulled out a container of large breed puppy food, setting it on the counter for a moment and rounding the corner, stopping her singing at the sight of her puppy, gnawing on one of her favorite shoes. "Perro asqueroso," she exclaimed, walking across the room and sending the four month old rushing from her and dropping the shoe. Picking up the poor gnarled pump with a heavy sigh she shook her head, "No shoes for you," she said, shaking the shoe and causing Dozer to sheepishly shut his eyes and duck his tail between his legs. Setting the shoe aside she walked nearer and crouched to give him a kiss on his black and white head. Picking it up again she walked into the kitchen, dropping the shoe in the trash and snatching his food container again. "Dozey," she called and then poured around two cups worth in his raised bowl just as his little paws skidded onto the tile and he dove his mouth into the pretty little bowl.

Turning the music down and running an affectionate hand down the length of his already long back she left him to eat his breakfast, disappearing into her bedroom and shutting the door behind her. She stared in her overstuffed closet for the longest time, occasionally pushing a shirt or otherwise out of her way to see something else before letting the items all press back together again. It took her a while but she finally found a light green gypsy tunic amongst all her things that seemed cute but not in a way that was inappropriate for being around her ex. The last time he'd seen her she'd been half dressed since it had been the beach, though pleasingly he'd been the same for a period of time. Peeling off the grey Hello Kitty tee shirt she'd slept in and the loose sweat pants she had realized one day were actually Jason's that she'd accidentally snatched in her haste but didn't really care to give back to him because of how comfy they were, she changed into the shirt and a pair of shorts that hugged her hips nicely, though the shirt covered part of her shorts, hiding her hips. The temptation to just stay home instead of driving all over creation seeking the supposed better apartments in her price range was nibbling at her, but the stronger allure of getting to stare at her ex all day when he might not have remembered to shave was much stronger. Honestly it was the only reason she'd even agreed, because it was Jason and despite herself she wanted to be around him.

Wandering into her bathroom she stood before the mirror, running her fingers through her cascading long blond hair with a satisfied look. Ana was the exact opposite of humble when it came to her appearance. She honestly didn't get people that sat around thinking they were ugly. It was no way to be as far as she was concerned, and she had no problem agreeing that she was beautiful with anyone that said so. Spritzing herself with a bottle of True Religion spray, brushing her teeth, and putting on her usual make-up, mascara, eye shadow, and lip gloss, she decided she looked nice enough to be hanging with a friend. Fluffing her curls one last time she smiled at herself and wandered into the kitchen, checking the time and realizing it was nearly ten thirty, the time he'd agreed to pick her up. That detail made it feel a bit like a date, but she knew good and well that it was not and the alternative would just be contributing to the carbon gas emissions problem. Drinking the last of the water she'd had with her toast and depositing the glass in the dishwasher with her plate she went back to singing with the stereo, "Looking for someone comparing to you, tearing down windows and doors and I could not find eyes like yours," she serenaded to no one, interupted by a knock on the door. Dozer was well ahead of her as she moved to the door his big nose pressed to it and sniffing though she couldn't imagine how he was able to smell anything. Undoing first the chain, then the dead bolt, and finally the lock, she took hold of her dog's collar and pulled back the door, the excited puppy she was holding on to lurching with a deep bark at the man that stood there, Ana having to release his collar to keep from slamming into Jason. The black and white dog jumped and danced at his feet, his entire backside wagging furiously with his tail. A smile lit Anabel's face and she met Jason's eye, her eyebrows raising playfully, "Meet Dozer," she said with a giggle as the dog's pink tongue began to lap against his hand. "I told you he was a good kisser," she joked with a smile, brushing her hair back behind her shoulders.

Leaning against the door jam she watched her puppy and Jason for a half minute longer one of her feet pressed against the wood as well before she pushed away and opened the door a bit wider. "Come on in for a sec. I still gotta get my shoes and all that," she told him, though of course he could have guessed both from observation and just plain knowing her. When they'd been dating he'd usually sat on the bed in her dorm for probably fifteen minutes before she was ready so really it was just a classic Anabel thing he was probably used to. Making sure her dog came back inside, his long legs trotting behind Jason she flashed him a small smile before walking back to her bedroom and disappearing. As she reached for a pair of teal flats at the bottom of her closet the phone rang and she looked up, setting the shoes aside and wandering back into the living room looking around for the phone before realizing it was actually on its charger for a change, laughing at herself for looking everywhere but where she should. Her face contorted a bit as she eyed the caller id, thrown off. Glancing at Jason she shrugged, "It's my mom," she muttered, knowing he would get that Mariana wasn't one to be up this early on a Saturday. Anabel normally wasn't either, actually. Pressing talk she flopped down on the end of the couch, cradling the phone to her ear and hesitantly announcing herself, "Mamá?"

Her face paled as she sat there holding the phone, occasionally murmuring a thing or two in Spanish to her mother, comforting things actually. She was in complete disbelief, her eyes glazing over as she stared at the wall, not even moving when Dozer began to lick her leg. She was on the phone for several minutes before she hit end, setting the phone back down. She looked down, seemingly quite numb, unable to speak. "My dad is dead," she finally muttered, her nose wrinking and her head shaking back and forth. She sniffed a bit, in that place between tears and an inability to cry. "I just... I..." she stuttered, finally summing it up, "She's crying." Wrapping her arms around her stomach she let out a big sigh, slowly lifting her face to look at Jason.

TAGGED; mister irving!
WORDS; 1423
NOTES; the idea for this just popped into my head from the im thread. -shrug- haha, just see where it goes i guess.
WEARING; this
LYRICS; ambrosia for title/banner and shakira for the stuff ana is singing.

[jason andrew irving]

Jason groaned, looking at the time on his clock as it beeped at him with a loud, obnoxious tone. Glaring coldly at the time, he pressed the off button, thinking it was the snooze and rolled over, away from the rather large ball of fuzz that was laying beside him. Why would his alarm be going off at nine-thirty, especially on a Saturday? If it had been a week day, nine-thirty, nine-forty five would be the normal time he’d drag himself out of bed and start his days, but on the weekends, he liked to sleep longer, usually until ten-thirty, maybe later if he had been out late the night before. Not that that happened all too often anymore. He was done drinking, he was no longer out until one, two in the morning anymore. Rolling back over, he patted his hand against his chest and his little dog curled up against him again and he wrinkled his nose, laughing quietly as she licked his cheek. Somehow, that seemed to remind him that he was going to look for an apartment with Ana today and he told her he’d pick her up around ten-thirty. Stroking Dash’s long fur, he let his mind wander a little bit, his head resting on his pillow as his thoughts seemed to center on his ex. Yawning, he closed his eyes, his thoughts no longer finishing themselves as he slowly drifted into a light sleep, his hand just resting against his dog’s side.

Wrinkling his nose, he groaned and pulled his face away from the wet dog tongue that was determined to wake him up. “Alright, alright,” he muttered, rolling out of bed, and catching sight of the clock, groaning again. He had to be at Ana’s in a half hour. Making his way down his steps, the little grayish dog pushing past him and wagging her tail, he opened up the back door to let her out and headed back up to his bathroom, ready to get a very quick shower. Glancing in the mirror after he turned the shower on, he rubbed a hand against his face and sighed. Oh well, if he didn’t have time to shave, he didn’t have time to shave. It would be the second day in a row since he had spent the previous day just relaxing around his house, falling asleep on a raft in his pool. Somehow he had managed to survive; he hadn’t fallen off and drowned himself. The mirror started to fog up and he pulled his shirt off, tossing it on the floor. Glancing down at his side, he traced a finger down the two, nearly identical lines that ran nearly the entire length of his torso, stopping just an inch or two above his hipbone. The scars had healed nicely, he would finally admit that, but after he had spent most of the day in the direct sunlight the previous day, his skin had tanned even more, leaving the lines more pronounced than they had been. Shrugging it off, he slid his boxers from his body and stepped into the warm shower, almost instantly waking up more when the water hit his back.

When he wanted to, he could take a pretty quick shower and it didn’t take long for him to be in his room, searching for something to wear. It didn’t really take him long to pick something out for once, settling on a rather tight fitting grey v-neck shirt and a pair of jeans. Walking past his dresser, he saw a little black leather cord bracelet and he slid it on over his right wrist, wincing slightly as he bent his other wrist a little too far. Going back downstairs, he went into the smaller bathroom and pulled out the brace he had bought for his wrist and put it on, sighing as it restricted the movement he could do. Opening his back door again, he called for Dash, laughing as she turned to look at him and wagged her tail before bounding back into the house. “You behave yourself,” he murmured to her, stroking her as he headed out to the garage, grabbing a pair of sunglasses on his way out.

It wasn’t a super long drive to Ana’s house and he glanced at the clock, surprised he’d actually make it on time. Apparently he could get ready quickly when he wanted to. It probably took him fifteen minutes to be completely dressed and ready to go, surprisingly enough. A small smile crossed his face when one of his favorite songs came on the radio and he turned it up, singing along quietly to Josh Turner’s song. The song had a catchy beat to it, but he found it kind of ironic that this song came on the radio when he was going over to his ex’s place, especially since it wasn’t just his typical ex-girlfriend-just-friends sort of feeling that he had for her. “You‘re so not my baby, it‘s making me crazy, it‘s breaking my heart and my world half in two.” Shaking his head at the irony as he pulled in the apartment complex’s parking lot and shut off his car, he took a deep breath and stepped out into the hot, summer air and headed up to her building, his dark eyebrows raised as he looked around the area. It wasn’t the best part of town, that was for sure and he sped up just a little bit, relieved to finally knock on her door.

When her door opened up, he was surprised to be attacked by a rather large black and white puppy and he laughed as he saw how excited the puppy was and he crouched down, stroking him, his dark eyes looking up to meet Ana’s. He grinned at her remark and sighed sarcastically. “You were right, he wins,” he teased back, smiling in return and standing up to his full five foot ten. Stepping into her apartment, he chuckled when she said she had to get her shoes. Of course she did. Looking around, his eyebrows raised again as he looked at the tiny living space. Sure, this was huge for some people, but not for him. Even the apartment he had rented with his friends was much larger than this and that was near New York City; apartments there weren’t usually huge.

He sat down on the end of her couch as she disappeared into the other room and he looked around some more, distracted from his thoughts by Dozer as he sniffed at him, and he stroked the puppy’s head absentmindedly. He jumped slightly when the phone started to ring and he glanced around, wondering where Ana was for a half of a second until she walked back into the room. His eyebrows furrowed slightly when she said it was her mother. Miss Villalobos wouldn’t normally be up this early in the morning. Maybe she just had some sort of sixth sense that told her when her daughter was hanging out with him; he knew Mariana was furious with him after what he did to Ana and he really couldn’t blame her. He wasn’t sure he’d ever be able to completely forgive himself.

Something wasn’t right, he could tell by her tone as she murmured in Spanish to her mother. He slid towards her end of the couch as her eyes seemed to glaze over and he rested his arm around her shoulders, a concerned look on his face. She didn’t stir as her puppy licked her leg and he squeezed her shoulders slightly, wondering what could effect her like this. He sat there silently even after she hung up the phone, letting her speak on her own time, his arm still resting around her. When she finally explained what her mom said in four, short words, he sat there, stunned. He knew they weren’t exactly close after he cheated on her mom but that still wasn’t exactly easy news. “I‘m so sorry,” he murmured as she sniffed, rubbing her arm gently. They might not be a couple, but he still hated to see her hurt. He bit his lip and nodded his head slightly when she said her mom was crying. It was completely understandable; even if he did cheat on her, she had spent years with him, she had loved him, of course it would be upsetting.

As she finally lifted her face to look at him, he pulled her against him and wrapped his other arm around her slowly, rubbing her back gently as he did. He sat there like that for a few moments before he took a deep breath, pulling his body away from hers a little bit and tipping her chin up with his fingers gently, his one arm still around her. “Do you want me to drive you over to see her?” he asked slowly, his eyes looking into hers as he let his hand drop away from her face and rest next to him. “You should be with her.” Nodding his head slightly, he wrapped both arms around her again and gave her a long hug, closing his eyes as he did so. He would pretty much give his life to be holding her under a different, happier circumstance. Pulling away, he stood up and walked into the room where she had disappeared, picking up the shoes that had been set off to the side. He turned and walked back to the couch, setting them on the floor beside her feet and pulled his car keys from his pocket, waiting patiently for her. He didn’t want to add to Mariana’s stress by showing up, but he wasn’t quite sure if he trusted Ana to drive herself. It wasn’t exactly easy news to hear a family member had died and getting behind the wheel after that sort of news probably wasn’t the best idea.

words; 1,652
wearing; this
driving; 2009 Mercedes SLK 55 AMG

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[ana isabel bailey]

Ana nibbled her lip, felling quite odd as she tried to console her mother. Not that there was a lot to say. In all honesty she didn't feel a whole lot of remorse, though that could just be the shock talking. She had her suspicions it wouldn't hit her later though. Sure, Isaac Bailey was her father, but for the past seven years he hadn't been her dad. He'd broken her heart when he'd left like he had and got into all the crap with the prostitutes and the drinking. She still didn't understand why he'd done that, never would really, and why he'd had to give up on being her daddy. It had screwed her up more than he could ever have known for him to just withdraw his love so simply. It was tough for her to feel any sort of love for a man that had never seemed to want her. If it hadn't been for her mother she didn't know where she'd be, and for that reason she just kept muttering kind words. She wished she could tell her mother what she wanted to hear, but that was impossible. They'd both known for a while how sick he was, this shouldn't be such a surprise.

She scarcely noticed that Jason had moved closer to her and put a strong arm around her shoulders. It might look like she was greatly affected by grief but it was more just trying to understand why her mother was so upset and for that matter why she herself wasn't, why she didn't really care. She sighed quietly when her mother said had some calls to make. Planning funerals didn't count as an ex-wife's duty as far as Ana was concerned, but she wouldn't argue. Aside from his brother, Caleb's dad, there wasn't much family left, and what was all lived in Louisiana still. Honestly though she knew his funeral would have to be a stuffy, non-religious affair. He'd always laughed at Mariana and Anabel both for having some sort of religion. She wasn't even entirely sure her mother would know how to handle a funeral for a non-Catholic.

Hanging the phone up she let out a deep breath, sitting for a long moment before saying anything at all. She shook her head at his condolences, "You don't have to say any of that stuff,", she told him quietly, nibbling her lip. "He was my father, not my dad," she explained quietly, gazing at the berber carpet. She'd never really told him much of anything about her father, just that he'd walked out on them when she was thirteen and they hadn't talked since she'd become an adult. She didn't like to talk about it, it just upset her, like it was doing now. She couldn't even begin to explain how badly she'd hurt from his actions, not in a way he could understand. Honestly she knew she'd stopped hurting only because the man sitting right next to her had filled the void in her heart, for however brief a time. Not in some creepy way like she'd thought of him as her dad, but she'd been so convinced she was unworthy of anyone's love if her father couldn't even love her that his had meant everything, for what brief time she'd had it.

Finally she told him why she was so confused, but he just nodded and she looked up at him. "No, you don't get it," she elaborated, feeling a sob rise in her throat, "She's hated him for years. He broke her, he broke me, he, he, he," she stuttered until she lost her voice to the tears, dropping her head against his chest. She hadn't meant to cry, she hated crying, but that was all she seemed capable of now as he pulled her to him, his fingers rubbing her back in an attempt to comfort her. "I hate him," she whined against his shirt, shaking. She didn't want to hear what he had to say about her angry, tearful outburst, though she was sure there was something. Jason wasn't one to not have something to say, for better or worse.

When she finally stopped crying he pulled back and tilted her chin up to look at him, his dark eyes examining her lighter teary ones. She listened to him with a sniffle before nodding her head, "Yeah," she murmured, swallowing roughly. She let him pull her back to him, resting her chin on his shoulder, his curly hair against the side of her face making her shut her eyes. She wished so badly that he was holding her for any reason other than the fact that she'd just lost it in front of him. With a sniffle she pulled away when he moved, disentangling her arms from where they'd wrapped around him, wiping her eyes and offering an extremely weak smile. "Thank you," she whispered, dropping her eyes as soon as she'd said it. She didn't get why he was so sweet to her, now and just in general. She didn't get why she was so nice to him either, but she didn't feel like pondering on the mysteries of their relationship right now.

She watched him walk back to her bedroom, not really knowing what he was doing until he came back with her shoes, setting them down and waiting patiently for her to get ready. Slipping her feet into the little flats she glanced up at him, "I didn't mean to lose it. He just...", she pressed her lips together for a moment, "Brings back a lot of painful stuff, I guess." She shrugged a bit and stood to her feet, walking into the kitchen where she'd left her little clutch, sunglasses, and keys. Returning to the living room she walked back to the door of her room, pulling it shut so Dozer wouldn't have access to her closet. Walking to the lazy puppy who had rolled onto his back on the couch, she gave him a pat on the tummy, "Bye, buddy," she told him.

Looking back to Jason she gave a small smile, "Let's go," she said, heading toward the front door. Stepping outside she groaned slightly, "Why is it so hot," she remarked, flicking her sunglasses down from where they had been resting atop her head to cover her eyes from the sun. At least Utah was dry and there wasn't a lot of humidity. Turning back to the door she locked it and then deposited her keys in the pocket of her shorts, following Jason across the parking lot, his tense shoulders and uncomfortable demeanor making her laugh just a bit to herself. "I promise you, trouble doesn't start this early in the morning," she assured him, with another little laugh. She didn't get how it was he was capable of making her laugh without even meaning to and always when she most needed it.

When they reached his car she waited for him to unlock it before slipping into the dark interior, wincing as the hot leather scalded the skin of her thighs. Shutting her eyes she lifted her legs away from the seat. This was her problem with leather; it looked pretty but it was not very kind when summer rolled around. "Are you sure you don't mind," she asked him as he started the car, gazing at him uncertainly, her eyes still a bit puffy and bloodshot, certainly not at their most attractive.

WORDS; 1246
NOTES; haha, did you purposely name his outfit to match hers?
WEARING; this

[jason andrew irving]

His eyebrows furrowed, understanding what she meant by he was only her father and not her dad, but he didn’t quite get it. His family had never been like that, they had always been close. Oh, he had seen families like her plenty of times, but he just didn’t understand how things worked like that. He knew she hadn’t really talked to him all that much, but he didn’t know why exactly. All he knew what that he had left her and her mother, why he had no idea, but he had a feeling that might explain why she hadn’t talked to her father and why Mariana’s last name wasn’t the same as Ana’s.

He sat silently when she said he didn’t get it, waiting to see if she elaborated. He didn’t want to ask if she didn’t want to explain. She could do it on her own time, even if it was six years from now. He was still at a loss as she started to go on. What could have brought them both to hate him so much? As she dropped her head against his chest and started to cry, he held her tighter, running his hand along her back silently. It annoyed him when people were like “shh, everything’s okay,” as they were trying to comfort someone. Obviously if someone was crying everything was not okay. Unless it was happy crying, but that was a different story. He could feel her shaking slightly and he wound both arms around her, feeling that protective pull he felt towards her. It was like if he could, he’d take all the hurt she felt away, even if he had to suffer from it. Shaking his head slowly as she said she hated him he sighed quietly. “Do you really? I don‘t know what happened, but would you be this upset if you really hated him?” he asked quietly, his tone honest.

Even though he didn’t know what had happened between Mariana and her ex-husband, it sort of stunned him when she said he broke her. How different was he from her father, then? Maybe there were more similarities between them than he ever imagined. Pushing those thoughts away, he pulled her back to him, both to comfort her and just to feel her in his arms again. God, how he missed it. The slight smell of her perfume lingered around her and he inhaled deeply, absolutely loving the scent. Smiling as she thanked him, he shrugged. “It‘s no problem,” he replied simply. He would do this anytime, drop anything he was doing if she needed someone.

He raised his dark eyebrows when she said she didn’t mean to lose it and he smiled a comforting half smile, saying nothing. On the subject of painful stuff, how could she be around him again? Even now he didn’t understand why she wanted to talk to him, much less be around him. As she stepped into the kitchen, he made his way over to the door and slipped his feet into his shoes, waiting patiently. After she closed her bedroom door and walked over to her puppy, he couldn’t help but chuckle slightly as he saw the dog rolled over on his back on the couch. It was quite a funny sight. Dozer was another reason Ana would be needing a better apartment; there was no way a full grown great dane could live in an apartment the size of hers. “Didn‘t he get neutered yesterday?” he mused as they headed out of her little apartment, laughing about her remark about it being hot. “Well it is summer…” he teased slightly, sliding his sunglasses down over his eyes as she did. “It‘s better than humid heat, though,” he said, remembering how humid New York’s summers were. He could step outside and just break out into a sweat there while just the heat here didn’t bother him nearly that much.

Walking through the parking lot, he couldn’t help but tense a little bit, half expecting to hear gunshots at some point. And knowing his luck, well, one of the bullets would manage to find its way to him somehow. He laughed to himself, imagining that happening. No, it probably wouldn’t be funny if it actually happened, but he could see that happening to him somehow. Clenching his keys rather firmly, he glanced over at her as she laughed and rolled his eyes, smiling and he stuck his tongue out at her playfully. “Oh, good, that mean‘s I won‘t get shot now, I‘ll get shot when I drop you off, right?” he joked, though he only unlocked his car when they were rather close to it.

Sliding in, he turned the key in the ignition and immediately pressed the button to put the top down on his dash board. He caught Ana pulling her legs away from the leather and grinned. “I think there‘s a blanket in the back if you want to use that,” he offered. His shorts were long enough that he never felt the burning hot leather directly on his skin, rather, he felt the heat through the fabric of his shorts. Glancing over her as she questioned him he shook his head. “Not at all,” he said honestly, putting the car in drive and heading out of the parking lot, rather anxious to get out of this area. It was the kind of place he tended to avoid when he was driving through any town. Though compared to some parts of the cities, it was rather nice, he’d just have to look at it that way. “I don‘t know where she lives, though, so you have to tell me how to get there,” he grinned, pulling out onto the main road in the direction she told him to go. Sighing, he shifted uncomfortably as the hot air flowing into the car increased as he sped up. “I don‘t think I‘ll stay, though. I mean, unless you want me to.” Sighing again, he kept his gaze firmly on the road, knowing Mariana was not fond of him at all. Not after he broke the promise he made to her. No, he didn't blame her in the slightest for hating him, she had every right to after what he did. Heck, he still hated himself for it. “I don‘t think your mom needs me added to her stress load right now,” he murmured quietly, waiting for Ana’s directions to get to her mom’s place.

words; 1,081
wearing; this
driving; 2009 Mercedes SLK 55 AMG
notes; yessss XD

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[ana isabel bailey]

Families like Jason's were the kind she'd always wanted. Normal, stable, loving, close; she'd never had that stuff with anyone but her mother, and even that was arguable, though she wished she had. When Jason had told her he wanted her to meet his parents she'd actually been excited at the concept of having a "normal" family, even if they were her in-laws. Not that she was going to get that now. With her face pressed against his chest she listened to his rather logical question. Of course, he was always logical. It irked her and yet made her want his input all at the same time. She pulled back a bit and stared at him, wiping at her eyes with the heel of her hand. Slowly she just shook her head, deciding she couldn't expect him to understand what he didn't even know the half of, and she definitely didn't feel like filling in the holes for him. It was really the only thing she'd kept from him the whole time they'd known each other because it just hadn't seemed important or really worth talking about.

She let him hold her for the longest time, every part of her being wanting to draw even closer, though she chose not to make things awkward. They'd already had enough awkwardness to last a lifetime two weeks ago. Pulling back she found herself thanking him and his smile and casual dismissal warmed her. That was how she was able to be around him. He hadn't changed really, no matter that he'd screwed up by her. Her dad had changed, become a different person completely. They hadn't been close before, but after the divorce even when she'd had to stay with him on the weekends it had been misery. He'd just sort of ignored her which was when she'd began looking for attention in all the wrong places.

Patting Dozer on his stomach she glanced up at Jason's remark, nodding, "Day before yesterday, yeah. He's a bit swollen, but otherwise he's just fine. Excited he can have a girlfriend now without having to be a daddy," she laughed at the fictitious exploits of her dog, heading out the door to let him have his nap. Like most Great Danes he was lazy as all get out. They took a long walk every day in addition to their regular potty breaks and it was more than enough. Sure, it would be great if he had a yard to run in, but a house was out of the question for a good long while. She figured he'd definitely enjoy Jason's yard when they were house-sitting, and dog-sitting, in a couple weeks. She wasn't entirely sure it was a good idea to be staying in that house all alone since there were so many memories there, but if Jason could bare it, she could too.

A laugh escaped her when he pointed out that it was summer, shaking her head as she locked the door. "Touché," she replied with a bright smile, nodding when he pointed out it was better than humidity in addition to the heat. "I was just thinking the same thing. Louisiana can be some kind of miserable," she commented with a shrug, laughing, "I've been stuck here so long I'd probably die if I went back east during the summer." He drew quiet as they walked across the parking lot and she wondered why for a minute before she realized he was freaking out about the drug dealers and whatever else his naïve little mind had invented. She laughed harder as he rolled his eyes and stuck his tongue out at her in response to her teasing. "Exactly. It gives you something to look forward to," she said with a little smirk, staring at him over the top of the car.

Settling into the hot, soft leather seat, her legs pulled away from the scorching hot leather she nodded at his offer of the blanket, turning and reaching between the seats. She'd used it at the beginning of the summer when they were still together for this same purpose, never much one for longer Bermuda shorts or capris. Sliding it beneath her legs she sat back down and buckled her seat belt, not quite sure why he even cared to take her. She could drive at this point, she wasn't still reduced down to a sobbing mess. "Alright," she said with a shrug, not really liking to depend on him like this, "Just take a left up here. She lives closer to the city," she directed him as he let the top down. Picking up her wallet she got out a hair tie, pulling her long, blond waves back in a high pony tail so she didn't get some sort of afro from the wind. As he left the parking lot and picked up a normal speed her head tilted back and her eyes shut for a moment, before they opened and she looked straight ahead again, "Gosh, I love convertibles," she said with a sigh. They'd been in this car together a lot, she'd even driven it for a while after her ancient Honda had met a dismal end in the student parking lot, and of course when Jason had been too afraid to drive the month or so after his accident. Letting out a sigh she nodded as they approached a red light, "Go right," she said quietly, staring at the buildings they were passing.

Her head turned back when he said something about not staying, elaborating after a moment. She shrugged her shoulders, "I don't think she's in an especially homicidal mood today, to tell you the truth." A little smirk crossed her lips, "Unless it wasn't the emphysema that finished him on off," she said slyly. Jokes aside though she didn't really like the thought of her father just not being able to breathe anymore. She shook her head at the thought, she wouldn't have wanted that for anyone, though he'd done it to himself by refusing to stop smoking. He probably could have been around a lot longer. "I can't imagine dying like that," she mused with a little shiver even though she was quite warm in the sun, "Just... not breathing anymore." Pushing a wayward piece of hair behind her ear she shrugged, "I guess it's good I stopped smoking when I did." Her eyes widened when she realized Jason didn't know she used to smoke, or at least she didn't guess he did. She'd only really stopped because he said he found it disgusting, but that had been so early in their relationship he probably hadn't even known she was a smoker.

After that things just seemed to grow quiet, aside from the occasional direction she gave him. As they pulled onto the little strip in front of the duplexes she nodded toward her mother's, "The blue one." She stared at the home she'd spent her teen years in as he pulled the car into one of the many parking spaces, between her mother's old beetle and Eligio's red mustang. She wasn't all that surprised he was here, even though it was a Saturday. He might not be a faithful man, but he was the sort that was always there when he was needed. Her hand on the handle, she looked over at him, meeting his eye, "Thanks for bringing me. Um, you sure you don't want to come in? I, uh, I really wouldn't mind having you around..." Dropping her eyes off him she shook her head, and pulled the door open, deciding he had a valid reason for not wanting to stick around, "You don't gotta though." Stepping out and shutting the door she walked up the little sidewalk to the front door, squaring her shoulders and lifting her chin. She was pretty sure he'd left, though she definitely didn't blame him for that.

WORDS; 1321
WEARING; this

[jason andrew irving]

Laughing quietly at Ana’s remark about her dog having a girlfriend, he sighed quietly, turning around to open the door, his back to her, hoping she didn’t see his face fall ever so slightly. Being around her was nice, but it still hurt. Even when she smiled, he could still see the hurt, tearful look that had crossed her face months prior. It was always going to haunt him, he knew that. One mistake, one slip up and he had lost everything. There were times it bothered him so much he wanted to slip up and go back to the alcohol he had become addicted to for two long months. Even if she didn’t know it, she was what kept him from drinking again. Actually, if it wasn’t for her, he’d probably be dead by now from drinking too much.

He nodded his head in agreement when she said Louisiana was torture. New York was similar, at least he assumed so. It was nearly completely surrounded by water and the humidity on hot days was ridiculous out there. At least they had the pool. Both here and back in his old home it was something he loved to do in the summer. Even if it was just floating around, like he had done the day before, it was still a way to cool off. Grinning at her comment about going back east during the summer, he glanced over her, his eyebrows raised slightly. “Well I‘ll tell you how bad it is when I get back,” he teased, glancing around the parking lot uneasily. His eyebrows rose more as she started laughing harder and he rolled his eyes again, grinning at her comment. “Eh, I‘m about due for another hospital trip,” he replied simply, shrugging. He hadn’t been in the hospital since his second surgery, it was about time for him to wind up there somehow, whether he tripped over his own two feet and needed stitches or he was shot and needed something much more serious.

He chuckled when she grabbed the blanket; it was still back there from when they had still been together earlier on the summer. There had been no reason for him to take it out. First of all, he didn’t want to. Just like some of the other things he didn’t want to do, it would just remind him even more that they were over for good. Second, he still drove a few people around, even if it wasn’t all that often. Actually, there was really only one person he took around, and they had just gone out to lunch one day when he had needed someone and was incredibly hungry.

Nodding his head, he turned left where she told him, nodding again when she said her mom lived closer to the city. A quiet laugh escaped him as he saw her tie her hair back from the corner of his eye and he grinned. “What, don‘t want to get all the tangles out tonight?” he teased, keeping his eyes on the road. His hair wasn’t nearly that long, obviously, and even his dark curls would get tangled together and be a pain to brush out sometimes. Oh well, it was completely worth it to have a convertible. Besides, if his hair got too tangled, he’d just cut it. Actually, no, he’d just suffer. He liked the length his hair was now, tangled or not. He burst out laughing about what she said about convertibles, and he glanced over at her, smiling. “Me too,” he agreed quietly, his eyes lingering on her a little longer than usual when he was behind the wheel. They had definitely spent a lot of time in this car together and for quite some time, she had been driving it much more often than he had. Laughing to himself, he remembered when they had gone to play basketball with Dahlia and she had leaned her body across the center console, singing along with John Mayer’s Your Body is a Wonderland and kissed his ear. It was a bitter sweet memory because of the two people in it and what he had done to both of them a few months later.

Glancing sideways at her again, he laughed humorlessly at her remark about her dad’s death. Mariana might not be in a homicidal mood now, but when she laid eyes on him she might be. Not that he wouldn’t deserve it. He hadn’t know anything about her dad smoking or the emphysema and he nodded his head, agreeing silently with her. It had been absolute torture when he had been struggling to breathe after the wreck. His lungs had burned, begging for more oxygen than he had been able to gasp in and anytime he took a deeper breath, pain shot up and down his side violently. Even after the surgery his ribs still hurt terribly and he had struggled to breathe. He couldn’t imagine what it would be like to need the oxygen and not be able to get any into his lungs. A slight shiver ran up his spine and he pulled out of his thoughts, glancing over at her when she said she was glad she stopped smoking, a questioning, disapproving look on his face. That he hadn’t known about. Looking back to the road, he shifted his right hand over his left wrist, trying to scratch an itch inside of the brace. “So when did you smoke?” he asked, his tone simply curious. It was something he found simply disgusting, kind of like drinking. Who would want to just kill themselves like that? Between what Ana’s father had gone through and the cancer that other people suffered through, he thought it would just be better if they took the stuff off the market, though that would probably cause a huge riot because so many people were addicted to the nicotine. And even though smokers thought they were only hurting themselves, it still affected the people around them, even if it wasn’t right away. Drinking on the other hand could take an innocent life in a second, someone completely unaware of what was going to happen. Sighing quietly, he kept his eyes on the road, ashamed not for the first time that he had sunk that low.

As she pointed out her mother’s duplex, all he did was nod, stuck in silence for some reason. He glanced over at the red mustang he had parked next to, admiring the nice car. They were incredibly sporty, but he just couldn’t see himself driving one. Besides, in winter in New York one would have been completely useless trying to get through the snow. His little BMW had done just fine, though not nearly as good as the four wheel drive SUV’s and trucks. Of course, those people didn’t realize that just because they could go didn’t mean they could stop and usually ended up hitting something or another. His eyes slid from the car over to Ana’s face and he smiled a small smile when she thanked him. It was never a big deal, especially when it was her he was driving around. He bit his lip when she asked him about going in. Of course he didn’t want to. It sort of surprised him when she said she wouldn’t mind having him around. Watching her step out of the car and head up towards the house, he sighed, wanting to smack himself. Reaching forward, he pressed the button on the dashboard to have the top of his car slide back up and he shut off the motor, stepping out and shutting the door quietly.

Stepping up behind Ana, he rested his finger tips against her side lightly, letting her know he was there before he realized what he was doing and pulled his hand away rather quickly, letting it fall down to his side. Looking over to meet her eye, a tiny smile crossed his face as they walked up to the door. He stepped in the duplex behind her, like if he stood behind her Mariana would never see him. It might have worked if he was her height and he was his. Shifting his weight from foot to foot, he fidgeted with the brace on his wrist uneasily. Well, what’s the worst she can do? he thought to himself. One of her butcher knives could find it’s way into him somehow, he was sure of that. Then again, it wouldn’t really be that bad. If she just hurled sharp words at him, it wouldn’t be anything he hadn’t told himself. A few select words stuck out to him, bastard, ass and dick being a few of them. Sure, the words might hurt more coming from someone other than himself, but it wasn’t anything he didn’t deserve.

words; 1,464
wearing; this
driving; 2009 Mercedes SLK 55 AMG

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[ana isabel bailey]

The blond let out a little sigh, knowing the question was coming but hating the disgusted look on his face. She honestly didn't get how he had ever loved her as much as he had, or did. She'd done a lot of things that in his eyes were disgusting, from her former vices to her abandoned promiscuity. Not that the past should matter, especially not when two people were in love, but how that had happened to begin with seemed a bit odd whenever she really thought about it. It just didn't seem to make sense to her what he had seen in her to begin with, and especially now that they were apart she couldn't figure out why he thought she was worth his pain. A worthless feeling had just overtaken her since he'd cheated, something she'd always struggled with but had seemed gone when they were together.

Nibbling her lip she stared out at what they were passing, knowing she needed to answer his question. "Actually, I smoked when we first met," she said quietly, not looking his way, "I picked it up freshman year because I was really stressed. Don't ask me why, it was just something my mom used to do and my father... well, he could keep a cigarette lit in the shower." She laughed just slightly with a tiny smile, before continuing, "Anyway, I didn't smoke a lot. One a day usually, unless I was really stressed." Not that she was saying that was any better, but she didn't want him thinking she was a chain smoker or anything like that. Glancing over his way a little smile crossed her lips, "And then I met you," she said a bit dramatically, "And on our second date you said something about how you found it disgusting so after you dropped me off I went to Walgreen's and bought a ton of Nicorette. That's how come I was chewing gum all the time. I don't really like gum, I just liked you." She gazed at him for a long moment with a tiny smile, remembering how much she'd liked him, right from the start and how she'd so wanted to be his girl. Now she'd give anything to forget that she had been.

When they pulled up to the duplexes, she gave him a final smile and began to walk up to the home, eying the house a bit warily. She didn't know what she was about to face with her mother and she was nervous. Her mother had always been capable of racking her nerves with her always inconsistent behavior. One second she couldn't say a nice word about Isaac Bailey and the next she was mourning his death for reasons that Ana couldn't understand. In the midst of trying to make herself seem as confident as possible she felt a hand touch her side and a little squeal escaped her, her head whipping to see Jason walking beside her with a small smile. She laughed slightly and returned his smile, "Sorry, you scared me. I figured you'd left." She didn't know why she wanted him there, she just did. He was a comfort to her for whatever reason, though she hadn't really thought he'd follow her in to face her mother.

Walking up the three steps onto the porch, she pulled out her keys, digging through her apartment key, the key to his house that she still hadn't given back, and finally the key to her mother's place. Hesitating, she carefully touched his forearm,"Really, you don't have to stick around. I wasn't even thinking about Mamá," she said quietly, her eyes dropping to the ground. No, she wasn't all that concerned about upsetting her mother, she was worried about tossing Jason into the pit of lions that her mother could be. Taking her hand away she glanced at him as she slid the key in the lock, waiting to see him run back to his car. Shrugging just slightly she pushed the light blue door open, walking into the brightly colorful living room where her mother was sitting on the couch, her auburn head dropped into her hand. "Mom," she said to get her attention, feeling Jason trying to disappear behind her as the woman lifted her head and said her daughter's name. Pressing the door shut she hastened across the room to the backside of the couch, kissing her mother on the side of her head and gazing at her red, puffy eyes, messy hair, and sullen face as she quickly chattered to her mother in a rapid whir of language that would mean nothing to Jason, who Annie had almost forgotten, at least until her mother's eyes left her face and caught sight of him. "Why is that cheating son of a," Ana winced as a colorful swear left her mother's tongue, "In my house?"

Turning slightly Anabel gazed at her ex-boyfriend, taking in his features in response to her mother's verbal bashing, a look on her face that clearly read she was sorry. She thought it doubtful he'd dare to say anything, considering how things had gone the last time he'd interfered with an issue. "I want him here," she finally said, turning back to face her mother once it was out of her mouth. She shrugged, staring at her mother with the same exact determined look. "Jason," Mariana finally said in her strange accent, still looking at him like he was Satan incarnate, "Hello." Annie watched the awkward exchange before clearing her throat, "C'mon, let's sit down," she said with a tense smile, moving to the front of the couch and sitting beside her mother, staring at her hands.

Swallowing she looked up at her mother, "So, how'd you find out," she asked, still not sure how her mother had found out that her father had died. "Your uncle Dan," she said simply, suddenly tearing up again and Ana rolled her eyes and sighed, picking the box of tissues up off the coffee table and handing them to her mother, who snuffled and dabbed at her eyes for what seemed like forever to Annie. Oh sure, she cried, but she hated it when she herself did, never mind when anyone else started crying. Crossing her legs, she glanced around a bit nervously, staring at Jason with a panicky, highly uncomfortable gaze. "Um, where's Eligio," she asked her mother, trying to get her mother's mind off her ex husband. Mariana suddenly started crying harder, "He was such a good man," she wailed into the Kleenex, causing her daughter to stiffen a bit, knowing she hadn't heard her question. "Mom," Ana said a bit sternly, staring at her mother, completely forgetting that Jason was there in her attempt to give her mother a reality check, "He was a cheating, lying scum bag. How can you be crying over him!?" Throwing her hands up she stood and stormed into the empty kitchen, leaning her body against the counter top and embedding her hands in her blond hair, pulling at the strands closest to her scalp, a frustrated growl escaping her. She couldn't believe the way her mother was able to make him into some great person that he wasn't. It just wasn't right and it frustrated her that her mother could be so remorse over a man that had treated her like she was worthless, a man that had treated his own daughter like she didn't even exist.

WORDS; 1242
WEARING; this

[jason andrew irving]

His eyebrows rose slowly when she said she had smoked when they first met, but he kept silent, letting her go on without any interruptions. If he had known that then, they probably would have never started dating unless she had been willing to quit and he would have been willing to help her stop. Oh well, it was a good thing he hadn’t know. Or, maybe not seeing the way things ended. Her dramatic tone made him smile slightly and a surprised look cross his face when she said it was because of him she stopped. It was a good thing there was a stoplight as she said she liked him and he turned to look at her, his eyes meeting hers before he looked back to the road in front of him, a small smile not unlike hers on his face. He was surprised she had liked him enough to stop such an addicting habit, but it was a good thing. She wouldn’t be facing the same fate as her father, at least. He kept his gaze in front of him, knowing he didn’t have the ability to keep his feelings hidden and he knew he was looking too deep into the fact that she had said liked. After a short moment, he finally looked over at her again, the small smile still clear on his face. “Well I‘m glad you stopped when you did.” Sighing quietly, he hit the gas as the light turned green. “It‘s amazing what stress will make someone do,” he murmured quietly, thinking about her smoking and his drinking.

A slight, awkward laugh slipped from him as she squeaked, shrugging at her words. “You said you wouldn‘t mind having me around.” It was true, he would have rather left the house behind rather quickly and not faced her mother, but for her, he’d do anything. He knew it was true and probably not a good thing since things had ended so badly. Standing beside her as she flipped through her keys, he could feel his heart beat starting to pick up in a nervous way, shifting his weight from foot to foot as he did when he was incredibly uncomfortable, his gaze on the bottom of the door. Feeling her fingers on his arm, he looked up slowly to meet her eye, shrugging in response. “If you want me here, I‘ll stay,” he said honestly, knowing he would have left if she hadn’t brought up him staying. Following her into the family room, his heart going out to the woman sitting on the couch. He had never lost anyone in his family, at least not that he remembered; his dad’s mom was the only person in their family who had died since he had been born and he had been two and a half, maybe three at the time. Yes, his other grandparents were getting older, but they were still alive. He could only imagine what she was feeling and even that wasn’t pleasant.

The two women sitting side by side starting speaking rapidly in a language he hadn’t studied since his junior year in high school. Obviously, it just sounded like a foreign blur to him and he stood in the doorway where Ana had left him, his eyes shifting around the room uneasily. It definitely had a colorful vibe, though the emotions in that room were anything but. His eyes rested on the two again just as Mariana’s face lifted and she caught sight of him. Shifting uneasily again, his gaze fell to the ground right in front of him, his shoulders sagging slightly at her sharp words, a dead look overtaking his dark brown eyes. However much it hurt, he knew she was right, at least in his mind. He knew if some guy had done the same thing he had done to his daughter, he wouldn’t want that boy around her for any reason. With his ashamed gaze locked on the floor, he didn’t catch Ana’s apologetic look as he started to mentally beat himself up again. Only when his ex said she wanted him there did he look up, surprise clear behind the defeated look on his face. Shifting his eyes to Mariana as she said his name, he smiled awkwardly as she said hello, not quite sure what to say. Even with their awkward exchange, he knew if looks could kill he would be right next to her ex-husband.

He moved for the first time he stepped in the house when Ana suggested he sit down and he took a few steps, sitting down in a chair closer to Ana, his eyes on the black brace around his wrist as the two talked about Ana’s father. It wasn’t just that he was hearing things about something he felt like he shouldn’t, but the knowledge he was very clearly unwelcome here that made him uncomfortable. Picking his eyes from his lap, he looked over at Ana in time to see her hand her mom a box of tissues, knowing how much she hated crying in general. Unless crying caused by laughing too hard, he wasn’t too fond of it, either. Meeting her eye and her uncomfortable expression he reached out with his hand to comfort her, his eyes flickering over to her mom for a split second, before he rested his hand against hers gently. As Ana tensed, he squeezed her hand lightly before pulling it away, resting it on his knees uncomfortably. He was surprised to hear Ana’s stern voice after she had been so gentle. Shock was written all over his face as she stood up and stormed out of the kitchen, everything suddenly making sense in Jason’s mind. Dropping his head into his hands, he sighed miserably. Anyone would take cheating hard, but understandably Ana would take it harder than someone who hadn’t seen their father do the same.

Shaking his dark head, he stood up slowly and followed Ana into the other room, fighting back the tears that had began to well up in his eyes. He heard a frustrated growl before he saw her and he blinked the tears from his eyes quickly before he said her name quietly. Exhaling slowly, his eyes fell away from her and looked around the kitchen, not quite sure what else to say. So many questions, comments that he could say but he didn’t know where to begin. Hadn’t she said that she hated her father, that he was the person who had broke her and her mother? How could she hate being around her father and still manage to act like they were best friends? Finally, he sighed, just shaking his head. Now wasn’t the time to ask anything when her mom was so distraught in the other room. Apparently he had more in common with her father than he ever knew. Not that he thought he had been cheating on her at the time it happened; three days prior she had said she didn’t think they could be a couple at the time, so he had taken that as they weren’t. The more time went on, the more he could see her side and realized that he really had been cheating on her. They were only on a break, they weren’t over at the time. Taking a deep breath, he finally spoke, though it was rather quietly. “Your mom needs you,” he said simply, hurting a lot more than he had since they really started talking again. He knew as soon as the day was over and he dropped Ana back off at her apartment, he would be sinking back into his disgusting habit, hating himself more with every drink he’d down.

words; 1,287
wearing; this
driving; 2009 Mercedes SLK 55 AMG

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[ana isabel bailey]

Taking a shaky deep breath Ana slowly pulled her hands out of her hair, dropping her head and staring at the grout between the tiles of the kitchen floor. She hadn't meant to lose it, she just had. Her emotions already felt quite shot and she was like a taut wire, ready to snap at any minute, as she'd already done. She regretted it, of course, she never liked to hurt her mother, but aside from apologizing for snapping she couldn't say her words were untruthful because in reality they were right on. Well, maybe. The first part was definitely true, after all Ana wasn't the sort to sugar coat things and make them nicer than they were, not even for her deceased father, but the second part might have been a bit harsh. She had after all just shown up with the ex-boyfriend that had cheated on her, seemingly chummy as could be. She had made the choice to forgive him and give friendship a try, there was after all no point in a grudge. And if she were to be honest, yes, she would be upset if something were to happen to him, she'd made that very clear the morning after the beach party, but that just wasn't the same. Or maybe it was. The thought made her feel sick to her stomach.

Shutting her eyes she let out a sigh, hearing her name in a wavering baritone. She knew she should have told him, should have told him ages ago instead of just saying her dad had left. It would have made things so much easier; at least he would know she'd slept around because she felt unloved, that she had clung to him and had needed validation that he really did love her as much as she had because she was so afraid it was all just lies. More than anything though he'd have understood fully why she just couldn't deal with what he'd done with Dahlia, maybe he wouldn't have even done it to begin with for all she knew because he would have known how much she feared the same thing happening to herself. She could have just been honest from the start that he was the first person she'd ever loved because she'd thought he would never do something like that to her. Yes, leaving skeletons in the closet had been stupid.

She could feel the tears well in her own eyes. Even without facing him she could feel his confusion, his want to say something but having no idea what. "Please," she said quietly, shaking her head, "Don't. Not right now." Really she'd prefer not ever, but that seemed a bit overkill. And anyway, she knew he'd have a lot of questions that she owed it to him to answer, though some questions she wasn't entirely sure she had an answer to. She couldn't tell him why she hated her father as much as she did, but she was still capable of loving him or why her father's presence had made her skin crawl but his was still a comfort, still made her happier than when she was with anyone else while all at the same time making her wish they could just take everything back to the start, do everything all over again and do it all right.

She slowly turned to look at him when he finally said something, "Yeah," she muttered with an almost defeated sound to her voice, "I know." She could see the hurt written all over his face, reflected in his eyes and in his soft voice. Lifting her shirt away from her stomach she used it to dab at her eyes that had teared up and as she always did when she was trying to be strong, tilted her chin up. Pulling her body away from the counter top she avoided his eyes as she brushed past him, out of the kitchen and into the family room. Settling on the dark red sofa she carefully pulled her mother's crying form against her, holding her in a long hug, making little 'shh' sounds as she stroked the back of her head, brushing over the thick red waves. It was about time Mariana Villalobos let herself be weak enough to let her daughter be there for her. Goodness knew how many times their roles had been reversed. Her mother's warm breath hit her neck as a distressed moan left her and she muttered Ana's name, saying nothing more. "I know, Mamá, I know," she said with a sigh, knowing without her needing to say anything that she had regrets. As she kissed her mother's head, she realized just how strong her own regrets would be where Jason was concerned if she woke up tomorrow to find out he was gone. She looked around from where her head rested on her mother's shoulder, spotting him and feeling a resounding pang in her chest, quickly dropping her eyes to focus on the strands of hair that flowed down her mother's back.

Drawing in a deep breath she slowly pulled back and reached for the box of tissue on the table, taking a small clump out and running them over her cheeks that were darker than her own, but still with the same high cheekbones. She could see herself so easily when she looked at her mother, it almost scared her at times. "We've got a lot of calls to make," she said quietly. Her mother had already explained that she wanted to take care of everything, and really it made since. Uncle Dan wouldn't be capable of providing a decent funeral, they were who was left. Watching her nod and reach for the phone, holding it with a blank expression like a confused child. Her mother had planned her parents' funerals, but they had both been devout Catholics, and Annie certainly didn't know what she was doing. Dropping her head into her hand she sighed, trying to decide what to do. Looking back up she glanced at Jason with a confused expression before looking back to her mother. Sighing, she nibbled her lip, it was going to be a long day.

___________________________________

Gazing with a tired expression at a mostly clean but now cold plate of paella that sat on the kitchen table where they'd moved from the couch, Ana yawned, turning to take a look at the clock on the microwave. It was nearly three, which didn't seem possible. How could it take this long just to get everything organized? Sighing she looked at the checklist they'd found online that had proved invaluable, finding most everything checked off and what was left were things Ana wouldn't be much help with. "I don't think there's much else we can do," she said with a shrug, looking at her mother who had seemed to stabilize, at least for now. Eligio had been there until an hour or so ago, but had left and now it was just Ana, Mariana, and Jason. Annie had said several times he could leave, even though he'd been helping her mother to understand some of the basic American funeral customs that she'd not known and Annie wasn't exactly an expert on, things like embalming. Really though she didn't know why he was still there, sitting beside her. Picking up a cold scallop off the plates that had been sitting there since they'd eaten lunch several hours ago she popped it in her mouth, chewing and swallowing before taking a sip from her iced tea that tasted watered down from the melting ice. Her mother stared at the list before nodding slowly, "Yes, I think so." Dropping her chin into her hand, looking shockingly like Annie, she gazed at her daughter and thanked her and with a swallow she looked at Jason, "Thank you as well," she said quietly, eying him for a long moment before looking away.

"Ok," Anabel said after an awkward silence ensued, scooting her chair back from the table, more than ready to go back to her apartment and just... well, she didn't know what exactly. Thoughts had been buzzing through her mind all day, tens, maybe even hundreds of things occurring to her that she wanted to say to him. Holding her mother as she cried over all the things she'd neglected to do, all the things she wished she could have said had sort of hit hard. Did she really want to be like that? No, no she really didn't want to be that woman at all, the woman that knew if she'd just swallowed her pride and followed her heart for a change she could have had everything, but had chosen not to. She didn't really know if it would have done anything to save her parents' marriage, but she knew she owed it to herself if nothing else to try and save her own relationship.

Leaning down she hugged her mother tightly before giving her a kiss on each cheek. "Bye, Mamá," she said, eying her mother to make sure she was as ok as she could be before giving her another hug. "Alright," she said with a nod and a half smile at Jason, walking into the living room to grab the things she'd left sitting on the coffee table, her mother following behind them until they were out the door. Ana's blue eyes instantly looked over at Jason as she hopped down the stairs, not sure what to say or how to say it, if now was even the time for so deep a conversation. No, it really wasn't she decided as they reached the car, her hand on the handle as she waited for him to unlock it.

WORDS; 1623
WEARING; this

[jason andrew irving]

He nodded his head as she pleaded not now. It wasn’t the right time, not with her mom in the other room mourning the loss of Ana’s father. He had a feeling Ana wouldn’t really want to talk about it, and though he usually let her take things on her own time, there were a few things he needed to know. No, he wasn’t going to drag it out of her, but he needed answers. Some things he couldn’t grasp, like why her feelings for him were basically polar opposites to her feelings towards her father when they had done the exact same thing, made the exact same mistake. Or maybe that was the difference, maybe her dad didn’t feel it was a mistake while a couple months later, Jason was still beating himself up over it. Hopefully he’d get the answers later.

Watching her dab at her eyes, he sighed, wanting to do something to comfort her, but now he wasn’t sure what to do. Just letting her cry against his chest earlier had seemed so natural, but now that he knew why her feelings against her father were so strong, he wasn’t sure what he should do. She always tried to be so strong, but even as a guy he knew sometimes it was better to cry than fight everything back and bottle it up inside. Then again, he was a hypocrite there, he was the type of person who bottled it up and let it eat away at him for ages. It wasn’t exactly because he wanted to, more because he didn’t want to put his burden on other people. He drew in a shaky breath as she brushed passed him and let it out once she was out of the room, sinking into one of the chairs next to the table and burying his face in his hands again. Not a day had gone by when he hadn’t regretted what he’d done but now he only felt worse. Time and time again he had asked himself why, but he just couldn’t pull the answer out. Because he was hurting, yes, but that was no excuse. He had hurt before and he had never slept with anyone to make up for it. Then again, no one had ever kissed him when he was hurting like that. No, he wasn’t going to blame it on Dahlia. He didn’t have to kiss her back or take it as far as he did.

Pressing his palms into his eyes a little harder, he sighed and brushed away the tears from his face, standing up slowly to head back into the other room. Ana had too much to worry about right now, she didn’t need him added on to her list. As he slipped into the room, he looked over at the two women, realizing not for the first time how much they looked alike and caught Ana’s eyes lingering on him for just a moment before darting away. Dropping his gaze from them, he looked over at a chair where he had been sitting earlier and sighed quietly as he walked over to it, seeing Ana brush a few tissues over her mother’s face from the corner of his eye. Sinking into the chair, half wishing he could disappear into it, he kept his gaze on his knees. Hearing Ana say they had a lot of calls to make, he assumed Mariana was taking care of the funeral arrangements. Even though the only funeral he had ever been to he couldn’t remember because he had been so little, he still knew a thing or two about it, his parents had been sure to teach him that even though they were only now in their fifties. “You never know what might happen,” his mom had explained to the twenty year old Jason as she explained to him what to do just in case both her and his father were killed and he was left to take charge.

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Pushing the food on his plate around with the fork, he picked at a bit of the cold, Spanish dish that was still on his plate. He loved seafood, Ana knew that, but whenever he wasn’t feeling great, whether it was because he was sick or upset, he never really ate a lot. He could feel the dull, hunger ache in his stomach, but he felt like if he ate anything, he’d be sick. Hearing one of the two women yawn, his eyes on a piece of shrimp on his plate, he couldn’t help but imitate them, it was just sort of a natural response. Listening to what Ana said, he glanced sideways at her, his eyes more on her hands, or well, the list in her hands than her face. He hadn’t really made a lot of eye contact with either one of them all day, even when he was explaining a couple customs, his eyes more on his hands as he sort of talked with them. It wasn’t because he was uncomfortable, though that added to it. He just felt terrible, both for the loss of Mariana’s ex-husband and that stupid mistake he had made.

His eyes shifted to his mostly full glass of iced tea as Ana picked up a scallop and he wrapped his hand around the damp glass, taking a small drink before setting it back down on the circle of moisture on the table from it. Glancing up when Mariana thanked him, surprise on his face and a tiny smile pulled at the corner of his lips. “It‘s no problem,” he said quietly, trying not to look away from the older woman as she kept her gaze on him, but to no avail. His eyes fell back to the plate in front of him, his arms folded in his lap, hiding his brace as he had grown use to doing. He didn’t look up again until he heard a chair scrape across the floor and he did the same as Ana stood and hugged her mother. He followed her into the living room, waiting by the door as she collected her things. Opening the door for his ex, he looked over at her mom for a moment, his gaze dropping to the ground. “If you need anything else, let me know,” he murmured quietly before stepping outside, feeling the hot afternoon sun on his body.

Stepping over to her side of the car, he gently pushed her hand off of the handle and unlocked the car, opening her door for her. Snapping it shut behind her, he walked quickly over to the driver’s side, knowing the car would be scorching after sitting out in the sun all day. When it was in the garage, it was better. Settling into the hot, leather seat, he turned the car on quickly and put the top down, pulling his seatbelt over him and clicking it into place. Putting the car in reverse, he backed out of the driveway silently. Not only was he not quite sure what to say, but he figured he’d wait and see if she had anything to say first.

words; 1,193
wearing; this
driving; 2009 Mercedes SLK 55 AMG

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[ana isabel bailey]

Ana watched him quietly as he stepped closer to her, not meeting her gaze just as he'd been doing since her little outburst with her mother hours ago, and gently took her fingers away from the silver handle, pulling the door open for her. Staring at him, her eyes widened, though he wouldn't notice as he still hadn't looked above her neck. No one had opened a door for her since, well, since they'd broken up and in all honesty it felt nice, really, really nice. She'd missed being treated like a lady, even though she hadn't realized it until now. Ducking into the car she settled on the blanket, fixing it so it did its job and protected her legs from the hot leather as the door clicked shut. The car was like a furnace, everything seeming to radiate heat from sitting in the hot desert sun. Reaching for the seatbelt, careful not to touch the metal part, she buckled it across herself as he slid onto the seat next to her and started the car, letting the top down. It was a relief to have the roof gone so the heat wasn't so bottled up. As they backed out of the driveway that ran between Ana's mother's home and her neighbors', Ana snapped the hair tie off her wrist and pulled her hair back once again. She really didn't want to have to work the knots out later, though anyone that had seen her hair when it was tangled would know why. Especially when it wasn't straightened it was a long drawn out process involving a comb, a bottle of detangler, and an often tearful Annie whose scalp was rather sensitive to the painful pulls of trying to undo a knot. It wasn't usually a problem though as she'd learned to prevent it from getting tangled to begin with. Really since they'd broken up she'd had hardly any mats as his hands curling around her sweaty curls when they had had sex had become the main cause.

Resting her elbow on top of the door and cradling her head in it she sat quietly, listening to the radio. Of course, it just had to be a song about the infallibility of love, just to torture her. Letting out a deep sigh she clenched the blond curls nearest to her scalp, sucking on part of her lower lip. She knew they needed to talk, she knew it, but actually starting the conversation was tough, obvious by the way every part of her body seemed nervous. Shutting her eyes she let out a deep sigh, wishing he'd be the one to say something but by now that didn't seem like it was going to happen. "Jason," she whispered, her voice cracking a bit, not looking at him, "Are you sorry for what you did, or sorry I caught you?" It had to be one of the toughest questions she'd ever had to ask him, and she'd been the one to just put herself out there and ask him to marry her. The thing was she knew her father hadn't really cared all that much that he'd hurt his wife of fifteen years, he was just sort of iritated that she'd figured him out. Ana knew, she'd been sitting on the couch in the living room when he'd come storming out of their bedroom with his sobbing wife behind him, not seeming to really even care as he headed for the door. It hadn't been like that with Jason. He'd tried so hard to apologize, even tried to give her the ring he'd never gotten around to actually giving to her the first time instead of selling it like her dad had done. His body curled on the couch sobbing was an image she'd never forget, it was the kind of humility only someone truly sorry could show. He hadn't fallen out of love with her, she knew that. She still didn't know why he'd invited Dahlia Anderson into his bed, she'd give anything to know, but it hadn't been because she bored him or wasn't enough anymore. He wasn't her dad, and she needed to stop trying to make his mistake into something more than what it was.

Letting out a deep sigh at his answer she continued to not look his way, staring at a stop sign. She'd already had an idea of what the answer was, but she'd still wanted him to say it. Staring down at her pale legs her index finger traced little shapes over her bare skin, "I've been so blind," she murmured quietly, not really knowing if he'd catch her words as the wind stole everything they said right out of their lips making it hard to hear in general. Lifting her face and brushing the curls away on the left side of her face away she blinked, keeping the moisture that was collecting on her eyelids at bay she spoke again, louder this time, "You're not my dad." She shook her head, knowing that her comment was a blatantly obvious one if she didn't explain what she meant, "I mean, I kept trying to make you into him, heartless, cold, but you're just... you're not," she told him with a sigh. Finally she turned to look at him as the car pulled to a stop, staring at his handsome face. It had been hard to say that, but it had needed to be said, both for herself and for him to know, regardless of whether when she fell asleep tonight she felt as empty and as dead as she'd felt for the past two months or as full and alive as his love made her feel.

WORDS; 953
NOTES; yeahh, I'm not happy with this, but I just plain didn't know what else to do.
WEARING; this

[jason andrew irving]

Hearing his name slip from her lips, her quiet voice broken, he glanced over at her for a moment to show her she had his attention before turning his gaze back to the road. He stayed quiet for a moment, staring out at the rode after she asked the question. Finally, he sighed and reached a hand down to switch off the quiet radio, not exactly sure why other than this didn’t seem like the time to have background music playing. With his eyes still unwavering from the road, he took a deep breath before he finally answered. “Both,” he said quietly, knowing the wind was noisy, but she’d be listening for an answer. “That was the stupidest, most idiotic thing I have ever done. I still don‘t know why I did it, either, and it bothers me to no end. All she did was kiss me and I-” his voice broke, somewhere between hurt and frustration. “-I was an idiot. I took it too far.” Shaking his head, he sighed again. “And however much I regret doing that, I wish you had never walked in,” he murmured, blinking quickly to keep the tears from spilling down his face. “I might have gone all the way, then, and hate myself even more than I do now, but I would have rather told you about the mistake I made than have you see it.” The image of the hurt on her face was burned into his mind, he was sure he would never forget it. The pain he felt in his wrist after he fell down his steps was absolutely nothing compared to what that image did to him. He remembered how he had sobbed on his couch after she left until he made himself sick. He hadn’t tried to, but it had just happened. After that, he hadn’t really been able to cry anymore and he picked his sorry form off of the couch and changed, deciding to try to go on a run like he did when he was hurting and he had ended up clear downtown. With his wallet with him, he saw Port O’ Call and decided that was where he was going to hurt. He still had his membership card sitting on top of his dresser at home. He had been meaning to toss it out, but he just never got around to it and now, because of that, it was finally going to be used again.

Really, that was the first time he had ever told anyone about what had truly been bothering him. Obviously, it was clear that cheating on Ana had upset him, but he had never explained to anyone why. Anyone with a heart should have felt terrible in his position. He had never mentioned that he wished she’d never walked in or that wherever he went, there was always something that reminded him of her in some way and the first image of her that would pop into his mind was that night, the tears streaming down her face and the absolute pain in her eyes. After that, it would be her screeching at him and he’d always withdraw from whatever it was he was doing in a way, his eyes becoming even more lifeless than they usually were. He knew the hollow feeling he had would probably never completely go away. Even if it started to get better, he’d never be who he was before that. He figured even if the impossible happened and for some reason she wanted him back, he’d still always feel guilty, even if it was just in the back of his mind.

Her finger moving along her leg caught his eye and he glanced over for a moment before slowing the car down at the stop sign, the air moving through the car taking her words away from him. Pulling through, he turned down a side road on the way to her apartment. Raising his eyebrows when she said he wasn’t her dad, he waited for her to elaborate, knowing that wasn’t the only message she was trying to get across, whether it was to herself or to him. The dull, dead look was in his eyes again as he pulled to another stop at the next red sign, feeling her gaze on him. Lately he had felt like he was a cold, heartless beast, but apparently she didn‘t think so. Maybe it was because he had felt so terrible for what he did instead of just brushing it off and moving on with his life. Whatever it was that led her to believe that, he didn‘t know where she would be taking it. “Ana,” he said quietly, shaking his head and pressing his foot on the gas petal, a soft sigh escaping him as the wind picked up again. He wanted to tell her, just to let her know, but he wasn’t sure he could without choking up or if she even wanted to hear it. He stayed silent for a few minutes, the whistling wind the only sound keeping his thoughts company.

Finally he looked over at her, a few tear stains down his cheeks. He still wasn’t sure what her reaction would be, but he had to let her know, even if it was obvious by the way he still hurt. Looking back at the road, he breathed a long, slow breath. “Ana…I still love you,” he said so quietly, he wasn’t sure if she’d actually hear him or if the wind blowing through the car would tear it away from her ears. Glancing over again, he knew he’d be able to tell by her expression if she had heard him or not. He still hurt and at times he wished he hadn’t gone to that beach party because then he’d still be drinking and not feel particularly guilty about it. Of course he hated it, but after she had stayed overnight at his place to make sure he was okay, just the thought of going back to that addictive habit made him feel incredibly guilty. As he thought about it now, though, he realized that it didn’t make him feel any better. It made him even more depressed, maybe even to the point that he might do something stupid. Maybe running into Ana at the beach party had been good for more than one reason. He glanced sideways at her again, at a loss of what to say, and he knew that his stupid member’s card for the Port would be in pieces not long after he got back to his house.

words; 1,101
wearing; this
driving; 2009 Mercedes SLK 55 AMG
notes; eh it ends kind of weird, but i kind of like it...

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[ana isabel bailey]

Gazing at the dashboard in front of her, her light eyes moved as his hand hit the off button on the car's radio, silencing the twangy music. Letting out a sigh she turned her eyes back to the dash, staring at the black bumpy material. When he finally answered her question though she instantly felt the tears form in her eyes behind her teal wayfarers and she dropped her eyes into her lap, sniffing quietly. She couldn't lie and say it didn't still hurt, because it did, and she knew she couldn't expect it to go away immediately just because they decided to get back together. Her fingers curled and uncurled around her hair as her eyes shut, listening to him. She knew from his voice that he meant everything he was saying. Her breath caught in her throat when he said he wished she'd never had to see it. She wished the same, but she never would have expected him to say that. Brushing her fingertips under her eyes she sniffed, shaking her head, silent. She didn't know what to say to that. No one had ever said anything like that to her, anything that deep or that personal. Oh, he'd said plenty of sweet or romantic things, but somehow that affected her so much more than any of the others had.

Dropping her face she swallowed, staring at her legs and running a fingertip over the pale flesh. She knew they weren't ever going to be the same as a couple, that everything had indeed changed between them and it wasn't going to be easy to mend the parts of their relationship that had been broken. But the man sitting next to her was more than worth that struggle. Yes, he'd made a mistake, but how many mistakes had she made that he just looked past because he loved her. She owed him the same, didn't she? He had her forgiveness already, he knew that, but she'd not really been ready to trust him again until now. Shaking her head she muttered to herself, knowing she'd been wrong and she felt awful for it. Swallowing she told him why she'd been so closed off to him for the past two and a half months. He needed to know that that wasn't how she saw him, regardless of her feelings about her dad.

She sat in silence with him for several minutes. There wasn't anything else to say right now. She was afraid to look at him when he'd said nothing but her name and so she just stared at the buildings they were passing, nearly back to her place. Ana felt his eyes on her and slowly she turned to look at him, spotting the tears that ran down his face. She glanced down with a little sigh, not sure what to think. She didn't know what that meant, whether he was about to tell her that she was wrong or if he was going to accept what she was saying. She stared at the gear shift, slowly pulling the sunglasses away from her face. She didn't really need them, the sky had clouded over. When he said he still loved her she looked up, nodding, feeling tears begin to prick at her eyes again. "I know that," she breathed, wiping her eyes. It felt so nice to hear him say it, even if she knew it from the way he still looked at her, the way he so obviously still hurt over having lost her.

Swallowing the lump that had risen in her throat she stared at him until he glanced over at her, his dark eyes meeting hers for just a moment. "Jason," she said his name, finally able to talk at a normal level, "Do," she lost her voice as she tried to get out a 'you', took a breath and tried again, "Do you love me enough to move past this and give," she faltered again, "Give us another try?" She shook her head, feeling the warm tears on her cheeks but not caring enough to try to wipe them away. She wasn't sure how to feel as she waited for an answer because she didn't honestly know what his response would be. For all she knew he'd tell her he thought he'd done enough damage and he wasn't going to give himself the chance to do it again. Ana really didn't care about that risk at this point, she just knew that without him in her life she was empty, incomplete and he was the only thing that would be capable of making her feel ok again.

WORDS; 774
NOTES; hmm, I have muse, but the words aren't exactly coming, haha. sorry. =\
WEARING; this

[jason andrew irving]

Jason knew he didn’t have the skill to keep his emotions hidden and somebody who knew him as well as Ana did, who had seen him at his best and at his worst, could read him like a book, catching every little detail that was there. Regardless, he hadn’t expected her to admit that she knew he still loved her, even if it did still show behind the hurt in his eyes. Catching her wipe the tears away from her eyes, he wasn’t sure if that was a good thing or a bad thing. He didn’t know if she was crying because it felt good to hear that or because it was the last thing she needed to hear while she was getting over him. He couldn’t help but wonder yet again why he had gone so far with Day. It was so incredibly out of character for him; he had told Ana and he had always truly believed that sex wasn’t just something to do for fun, it was because you loved someone. That was what his parents had taught him and that was what he believed. Seeing the couple fifteen, sixteen, seventeen year old girls at his high school who had been pregnant because they slept with their boyfriend and then he left them when he found out only strengthened his feelings towards it. Not only that, but those kids gave up so much of their lives. At twenty-two, he still thought he was a kid, that he was too young to have kids, but if something happened, he’d want the woman who was carrying his child to be someone he really, truly loved, not just some fling or one night stand. Even when he had sex for the first time when he was eighteen, he knew if his girlfriend had come to him a little while later and told him he was going to be a dad, he wouldn’t have felt like he had made a mistake, even though he had, and that he would be spending his life with someone he hardly knew. That was why they did, because they had loved each other. And he knew that there was a little piece of his heart that still loved her, though it was Ana who held all of his heart now, even that little piece.

As his eyes turned back to the road, he heard his name and stayed silent, letting her say what she wanted to without anything from him. He looked fully at her when she finally got everything out, gripping the wheel tightly to remind himself he was still driving and now was not the time to slam his car into the vehicle in front of him. “Yes,” he said without hesitation, his eyes turning back to the road. Sighing, he shook his head, turning down the road her apartment was on. “But that‘s not all that matters,” he said slowly, sadly. “It has to be something you‘re willing to do, too.” Of course that was rather obvious, but he didn’t want it to just seem like it was his decision. Hesitating, he sighed again. “And you have to make sure it‘s okay with your mom, too, however childish that sounds.” Shaking his head again, he explained why. “You two are so close, I don‘t want to be a wedge that comes between you two. And she very clearly was not happy to see me today…” Sighing, he slowed the car down and flipped his turn signal on, turning into her parking lot. “Of course, I perfectly understand why she wouldn‘t want me around you.” Pulling into a parking place, he put the top back up on the convertible and switched the car off, looking over at her as the vehicle immediately began to heat back up. “If some guy had done the same thing to my daughter, I wouldn‘t want him around her, either…” Looking at his hands on the bottom of the steering wheel, he sighed quietly. “…unless she was completely sure she still loved him and was willing to forgive that bastard for what he did.” He hadn’t realized he used what Ana had called him until after it was out of his mouth and he shifted uneasily. He wasn’t the kind of person who used that sort of language on a regular basis, she knew that.

Sighing again, he opened his door and headed over to her side, though he figured with the car turning into an oven, she’d be out of it before he could get over to her. As they headed back up to her little apartment, he wondered what it would be like to be back in a relationship with her again. He had never started something over with someone before and this wasn’t just a two month relationship that had gone sour; they had been unofficially engaged. Things weren’t going to be the same as they were before, he knew that for a fact and he figured the best thing to do was just start over and take things slow. And however much he wanted her to just move right back in with him, he wasn’t sure that was the best thing to do, though it sort of made sense to almost start where they had left off in a way. Well, this was obviously something he couldn’t decide on his own - Ana would obviously have some input, too. Probably more than his.

Stopping at her door, Jason waited for her to unlock it, expecting to see a very excited puppy bouncing around when they entered if Dozer was anything like Dash. Following her in, he sat down on the edge of the sofa, knowing that if she really did want to try their relationship over again, their conversation had really only just begun. And of course, she’d half to talk to her mom before it was official, though he really expecting that to happen today, however much he wanted it to. Mariana had been through enough, she didn’t need to hear from her daughter that she was getting back with the cheating scum bag so much like the man that had just died. He hadn’t felt this excited, this hopeful about anything since she had left and he couldn’t help but wonder if it was all going to be torn away if Mariana refused to let her daughter be with him again. Sure, there were plenty of ways around that, but like he had told Ana, he didn’t want to drive a wedge in between their mother-daughter relationship. They had far too much of a good thing for him to do that. It seemed kind of silly after the chain of thoughts that had just ran through his mind, but all he really wanted to do now was wrap her in his arms and tell her how incredibly sorry he was and how very stupid he had been, even if it brought him to tears again.

words; 1,161
wearing; this
driving; 2009 Mercedes SLK 55 AMG
notes; not my best, it's kind of rambly.

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[ana isabel bailey]

As he turned to look at her straight on for the first time all afternoon and for half of the morning, she almost looked away, but she couldn't. He didn't look at her like that unless he was completely sure about whatever it was he was going to say. She's seen that look before, when he'd told her he loved her for the first time, when they'd taken that final step in the physical aspect of their relationship, when he had answered her question about marriage. It took three simple letters to answer her question, at least basely, though she knew that wasn't all, even as he looked back to the road. Still watching him she carefully wiped at her eyes, waiting for whatever else it was she was sure he had to say. Ana stared at him as he stated the obvious, finding his words a bit pointless. "Of course I'm willing. I wouldn't be asking you if I wasn't," she said gravely, but with just a touch of her exasperated 'you're being stupid' tone to her voice. She watched him hesitate as he turned down the road her apartment was off of, nodding when he finally said what was on his mind. She hadn't exactly expected that, but she wasn't surprised either. That was just how he was; it was part of the reason she loved him. She would have told him immediately that that wasn't really a concern, that she'd already had that conversation with her mom. It had come up when he'd slipped off to go to the bathroom or something and she'd said simply 'You two still love each other, don't you?' It hadn't been a long conversation as they'd gone back to funeral talk when he'd returned, but she'd said simply that she hated to see her daughter's pride get the best of her like hers had. No, it wasn't an official ok, but that was just how they talked. Mariana was never direct when it came to serious matters, she prefered to just give a nudge and leave it at that.

He kept talking though as he pulled the car into a space in the parking lot, seeming to sort of ramble and she wasn't entirely sure if he was really even talking for her ears or his own. She nodded a bit when he said he wouldn't want a guy like him around his own daughter, letting out a sigh, her cheeks flushing from both the heat of the car and the hurt feeling that was starting to nibble at her. Staring at her own hands she didn't look up when he added onto the statement, feeling a bit relieved that he wasn't shutting the door on himself when she so clearly wanted it open. Lifting her blue eyes she gazed at him as he shifted uncomfortably, her voice soft in the quietness that filled the car, "She never stopped loving the bastard," she shook her head, "And he's been forgiven for a while now." Taking her intent eyes off of his profile she reached for the door handle before pausing when she realized why he'd said something so coarse and uncharacteristic of him, looking back, "Though he isn't really a bastard." A sort of indecisive look crossed her face before she reached for the handle, wishing she'd never said that. But, like her mother, when she was hurt she said a lot of things she didn't mean, though maybe some of the wounds she'd caused could be fixed. Sighing, she realized that it would take a lot of work from both of them to make this right again, though she'd already decided she was more than willing to do whatever it took.

Eager to get out of the car and into her nice, air conditioned apartment she opened the door herself, not realizing he had wanted to get it for her. Stepping back she let him shut it before falling into step beside him as they walked up to her door. She knew it could easily take the rest of the afternoon just to get themselves figured out. She didn't know yet how fast she'd be ready to move, or how fast he would. Just discovering each other again in every sense of the word would take time, learning again how to be with him and how to love him. And no matter how much she would like it, she knew she wasn't ready to be with him physically. She was scared of that, the thoughts it would bring to mind, the memories that could easily end up causing more problems than the sex would have fixed. That area would be one they'd have to take slowly until she was definitely ready to go there again and considering this she knew it would be a while before she was ready to share his bed and his home again. Right now they both just needed to have fun together and learn to love all over again. Maybe it would come easier than she was expecting, but she didn't want to be disappointed if it didn't. One day at a time seemed the best way in her mind.

Fishing out her keys from her pocket she could hear her dog's excited whimpering as she unlocked the door and she turned the knob, pressing the door in. Before she could bat an eye he had burst from behind the door and had a paw resting on her thigh, staring at her with his pitiful blue eyes. Scratching his ear she pushed him off, watching him as he peed on a bush before calling him back to her. Finally walking into the apartment she looked over at Jason with a little smile before walking into the kitchen to feed her pooch. Once that was accomplished however she reappeared and crossed the room to where he was sitting on her couch, sitting herself beside him and listening to her puppy chomp at his kibble. She stared at his hand for a long moment before slowly, hesitantly slipping hers under it and lacing their fingers together, a little half smile crossing her lips when she looked up at him to see his reaction. His hand felt so nice just like that; no matter how juvenile holding hands was, she realized now that she'd missed it. She looked away from him after a moment, looking sort of pensive. "I'll still ask officially if it would make you happy, but my mom actually told me straight up today that she didn't want me to have the same regrets she did," she grew silent and then shrugged a bit, "I already knew I needed you, but I don't know, seeing her so upset just kind of struck a chord, made me realize that I was sick of letting my pride keep me from being with you." Tilting her head up she looked at him, giving his hand a squeeze and letting a little smile prick at her lips, "So," she said tilting her head to the side just a bit, "Ready to start this over?" There was still a lot to be said, a lot to work out, but for the moment she needed to hear that he was as commited as she was to making their love into what it was supposed to be.

WORDS; 1225
NOTES; yay, i'm wordy again. ^^
WEARING; this